A Game No More
by Kallios the Scholar
Summary: Sarcastic, cowardly, unprincipled Kitty Wallace is sucked into the world of Pokemon after her sister makes a wish on Jirachi. To get back to her own world she must win the game. Unfortunately for her, the game really doesn't approve of all the cheating she's trying to do, and is changing as she plays. Set in Diamond game, rated T for graphic swearing and some violence.
1. Prologue: How Had It Come To This?

**Hey peoples. This is my first foray into an anime fandom and my first fanfic concerning pokemon. Creative criticism would definitely be appreciated, so feel free to drop me a line or two and leave an opinion. Don't worry, I take harsh reviews pretty well, though I enjoy having at least ****_some_**** praise mixed into the general mess of all my faults. One reader recently told me that my story was so boring it was like oatmeal, and you know what? That was awesome. That ****_made my day_****. If you tell someone what's wrong with their story, then you'll bring it to their attention and help them improve.**

**Hey peoples. Maybe you've read this story before and are getting back to it now that I've (finally) updated, and you figured that since it's been SUCH A LONG DAMN TIME *shameful cringe* that you'd start o'er at the beginning. Well, guess what? I'm editing. This chapter contains pretty much all of the original content, but most if not all of the errors have been fixed and I've added some new stuff. You think I spent all of my time on hiatus slacking off? Pffffft no of course not. I learned some important lessons about grammar and HELL YES I BE APPLYING DEM HERE.**

**Sorry about the rant, but I really needed to get the even-harsh-reviews-are-really-great thing off my chest, and the update thing was damn important. Don't worry, most of my Author's Notes are about half the size of this monster, if not less XD enjoy the chapter.**

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><p>I am lying in the cold mud at the side of a pond. I am lying half in and half out of the water, my legs having gone numb a long time ago. I am too weak to have any desire to raise my head now, and can only lie here with my cheek pressing against the mud, breathing in the earthy, organic scent of it.<p>

How had it come to this?

My leg is wounded at the back of the ankle, and when I had tried to get up I'd discovered that it couldn't support any of my weight. It'd stopped bleeding ages ago, but considering how I actually _study_ ancient methods of torture and medical practice... I've probably been hamstrung. By accident, no less. An enraged little thing that had looked like a giant blue guinea pig with enormous ears and a horn had bitten me just above my sneaker. To top it all off, guessing by how weak I am now I'm pretty sure that I've been poisoned as well. Just my luck, really. Thinking back, I'm probably fortunate to be alive right now.

Jirachi had said that the game would be hard, but not impossible. Maybe there was some force somewhere in this twisted world keeping me alive, making sure that I would survive to the finish...?

Fuck them. I've had enough. I want out.

"Jirachi, I quit," I whisper hoarsely, tasting the mud as I opened my mouth to speak. I roll over so that my mouth isn't so near to the ground, causing my leg to drag into an uncomfortable position. I shift the leg, but now the foot is uncomfortable I've tried and failed to move my foot countless times. It just won't respond. I kick the foot until it's lying in a position that doesn't hurt so much, dull lances of pain shooting up the appendages with each impact. I'm too tired to do anything more than wince at the pain, however.

The good thing about this poison (we're ignoring the fact that it's steadily killing me, of course) is that there are no yucky side effects. No throwing up and choking to death on my own vomit. No hallucinations. No coughing blood. It's more along the lines of just becoming very very exhausted and only getting more tired with every passing minute instead of recovering. Looking at my situation in the cold light of logic, I should be grateful. An almost peaceful ending, with very little actual pain. But I don't want to look at things logically. Anger flares inside me. Probably not the righteous wrath type of rage, but it's definitely anger and it jerks some of my mind out of the stupor it had been floating around in.

Stupid bitch of a little sister for making that fucking wish. Goddamn bastard Jirachi for granting it, and stupid bitch of a me for getting myself into this hell of a situation in the first place.

_(You cannot quit.)_

Telepathy. When I was nine I had thought that telepathy was the coolest superpower ever. Now, having words projected into my brain, I find it annoying and embarrassing at best. What if Jirachi can read my mind? Thoughts are supposed to be private, you know.

"Course I can," I say softly. The words are mumbled, and if Jirachi had been listening with ears alone I would have been incoherent. "I'm gonna die, and then this sick game of yours is gonna end."

_(You cannot die.)_

"Oh? Is this part of Jools' wish?"

_(Yes.) _The single word is emotionless, genderless, and ageless. The voice would have sounded robotic if it hadn't been so fluid and smooth, like water.

"Fuck you." That is the first time I have said that particular word to someone who is in a position to both hear me and take direct action against me. I am too far gone to feel either elation at the use of the word, or fear of the consequences it might bring about.

Gentle fingers stroke my mind, mentally picking it apart with a scalpel's precision to read my thoughts and emotions. The reader isn't human, however. It doesn't understand, won't ever understand. You describe an elephant to someone who's never so much as seen an elephant before, and no matter how well you describe it, what they imagine won't be an elephant. It's sorta like that...

_(You wish to die?)_ That mental voice again, asking a question of me as I hovered between life and whatever came after life's ending. You know the thing. Starts with a D.

Strange, but I hadn't really considered that until Jirachi had asked. Death, at this point, doesn't really seem like something to be feared. Though I can't say that I'm looking forward to it either. It would be just... something that happens. Like going to sleep after a very long, very exhausting day. When you have nothing to live for, what was the point of fearing your own demise?

"No. I wish for an ending," I mumbled, blearily turning my head to look at the nearby clumps of cattails and grasses that grew at the edge of the pond. "Do I get that wish? After all, aren't you a wish-granting pokémon?" I'm not sure if I'm even speaking aloud at this point. The edges of the cattails and grasses are indistinct and blurry, like I need glasses or something. But I don't, really. It's just that my body is shutting down, breaking. It's worked as hard as it can for as long as it can, and I've used it too hard and now it's all breaking to pieces.

_(Your wish shall not be granted immediately. But it shall be granted.)_

"I think you know my response to that by now," I say. Somewhere at the edges of my consciousness I think I detect the barest hint of an amused chuckle. But I could have been imagining it.

_(Be still, Kitty Wallace. Juliet wished for a world where pokémon, herself, and her sister could coexist. She shall have it. You shall live.)_

"I don't wanna," I say, and like the petulant child I am starting to sound like I am not sure if I'm lying or not. All I want is for everything to stop and go back to normal. For there to be a world without these horrible, horrible pokémon.

_(You have no choice.)_ There is no pity in that voice, but then again there is no malice either. Jirachi can be so neutral that I want to hit him. Her. It. Whatever. You get the idea.

My world is fading, my vision losing its sharpness. The cattails and grasses growing only a few yards away are now nothing but greenish blobs, and those colors are darkening as though night is setting on. But it was only noon a few moments ago...

Awareness is fading. Coherent thought is becoming nigh impossible. If anything in this world wanted to kill me their best chance would probably be now, while I'm at my most vulnerable.

How had it come to this, really? Lying halfway into a pond with a hamstrung leg is only the start of my problems. I am in the wrong world, truthfully. I shouldn't be here, this shouldn't be happening... Ugh.

These are my last thoughts before my brain shuts down completely.


	2. If She Had Only Played With Her

**This chapter has also been edited, revised, and generally improved from its original version. However, spellcheck doesn't catch anything and the author is only human. I might have missed something. If you see a typo, feel free to point it out.**

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><p>It's evening, about eight o'clock. Rain pounds on the roof and gurgles in the gutters, making streams and channels and heading toward brooks that will lead to rivers and eventually empty out into the sea. The water cycle in all its glory. Jesus, people, just get an umbrella. Who really cares?<p>

Going up the stairs to my bedroom from the kitchen requires heading through the living room. It's a pain, really, because my little sister is in there playing with her pokémon trading cards.

Juliet and I are as different as can be, despite our similar looks. I am thirteen years old, while she's only ten. Juliet has clung to her sweet, innocent nature with a surprising amount of tenacity, while I've been using my supposed innocence as a ploy to get my way for at least a year now. Everything that she is, I am not. Maybe it's an unconscious striving on my part, to be as different from her as I possibly can. Everyone loves Juliet, so I resolve the opposite and do my best to hate her. Going against the grain of life has always been my habit.

"Hello, Kitty," Juliet says, looking up from her cards with a hopeful smile. I stop sucking the crumbs of a pilfered brownie from my fingers and look at her. She's a small creature, with an elfin figure and bright blue eyes. She is lying on her stomach on the dark green carpet. Her silky brown hair is bound up in sickeningly cute pigtails, and she's wearing long pajama pants and a T-shirt with her favorite yellow rat monster on it. What had she called the creature? Pikachu? Something like that.

"Hey," I say warily in response.

"Do you want to play pokémon with me?" Her bright smile is hopeful. She always wants me to play with her, and the game is more often than not her little pokémon card game that she thinks is so engrossing. Honestly, I don't know why she harbors these opinions. Reading a book is so much more entertaining. Preferably historical, with lots of battles.

I valiantly resist the urge to sigh heavily. Really, why me? Why did it have to be me who was saddled with a sister that would never leave me alone? I don't ask much from her, and all I want is for her to ignore me and go about her business. Are all little sisters like this?

"Why do you like that game of yours, Jools?" I ask with weary patience that is rapidly fraying. Jools is Juliet's nickname. Unfortunately for me, she also likes it. I need to find a nickname that she absolutely hates, then use it on her at every opportunity. Maybe then she'll get the message and leave me the heck alone.

I know, I know... "if wishes were fishes"...

Jools brightens up considerably at my question, realizing that I've taken an interest (however meager that interest may be) in her personal activities. She snaps the rubber band off of the deck of cards and spreads the deck out in front of her. Realizing that I've somehow conveyed the totally incorrect message that I want to play with her, I take a step back and cross my arms over my chest, trying to tell her that no, she's mistaken, and that I have no interest in doing _any_ such thing.

"Well," she begins, and I only realize just now that I've set myself up for a monologue, "It's pretty cool. A lot of the pokémon are cute looking, and they have types. Grass, ground, electric, water—you get the idea. It's fun to figure out attacks and strategies and things like that. Don't you remember watching Pokémon on the TV with me?"

I grimace and nod. Yes, I do remember. And the show had never made sense to me. Why anyone would send a ten-year-old kid out into the world with no adult supervision and only some weird monster thingies for company is beyond me. Their parents are crazy. That, or they believe in ritualistic infanticide the way eight-year-olds believe in Santa Claus. Either option is plausible.

"Didn't you love it?" she asks me. When pokémon are brought up in a conversation, what little sense Jools has immediately flies out the window quicker than you can say "pikachu". You can practically see the Stupidity Meter™ going up inside her brain.

About three months ago Juliet had given me a chip for my DS. It had been Pokémon Diamond. She had assured me that it would be "really super fun", and I had warily began playing it when I had nothing better to do. After getting the second Gym Badge in the game I had given in and looked up the game online, reading through the storyline via Wikipedia. It had been too simple for my tastes, to put it bluntly. Team Galactic (stupid name for an evil organization) were the bad guys, and everyone else was good. To defeat Team Galactic you had to beat all the Gym Leaders in Sinnoh, which would unlock moves that would let you get around and thus gain access to the aforementioned Team Galactic. It had been incredibly tedious and dull.

"No," I say, trying to make my voice colder than glacial ice. Juliet wilts like a daffodil that has come up too early in the spring and is struck down by frost. I can see the disappointment in her eyes. Well, at least she isn't crying like a silly baby. She's acting more like a spaniel puppy that's just been kicked, to be honest.

I turn so that Juliet can't see my grin of twisted amusement at her disappointment and head for the stairs, sweeping up them as theatrically as I can manage and heading into my room. Jools-baiting has always been my favorite sport.

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><p>Juliet sighed and looked through the long spread of cards lying on the carpet in front of her, eventually pulling out one randomly. It was Jirachi, the little pokémon with the yellow tri-pointed headdress that had the tags floating on it. She stared down at it glumly, caught in the depths of utter misery at being (once again) rejected.<p>

If Juliet had known what the word 'bitch' meant beyond the literal definition of a she-dog, she would have used such a word to describe her sister.

"I heard that you're a pokémon who grants wishes," she said to the card in a soft voice. Well, she wasn't really talking to the card. The card was nothing more than a visual aid. In the world of Jools' mind, Jirachi was levitating in the living room in front of her, listening. That was what the girl was _truly_ paying attention to.

Juliet, being incredibly shy around people that she didn't know, didn't have any friends. As such, she talked to her trading cards and found them to be better listeners that people were. Her parents were getting worried and wanted her to see a therapist about it, to "talk over her loneliness problems and find positive ways to solve them". Juliet knew that she wasn't crazy and that therefore she didn't need a therapist.

Life can be so simple when you're only ten years old.

"We-ell," Juliet said, rolling onto her back and holding the card in the air above her face, "I wish that... that me and Kitty could play pokémon together, just once. I don't have to win, really, you know. Kitty always gets mad and sulks around when she loses, so it might be better if she wins instead of me. Okay, Jirachi? That's my wish."

Juliet gathered all of her cards back into their deck and snapped the rubber band over it to hold them all together. She went back to her bedroom and crawled into bed, setting the deck of cards down on her bedside table. Juliet snuggled down under the covers and closed her eyes, settling down for a night of dreaming about pokémon.

For several hours nothing happened. The clock ticked gently from its position on the wall. Beads of water trickled silently down the windowpanes as the rain continued to fall. Juliet rolled over in her sleep and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "Buizel," before clutching her stuffed Pikachu toy tighter to her body and drifting back into sleep.

In the deep shadows of the little girl's closet, a pair of glowing eyes snapped open, their gaze quickly alighting on the child.


	3. How To Undo A Wish, By Jirachi

"...So all I have to do is catch that pokémon, with Kitty catching the other one, and we get to win together?" Juliet asked. She couldn't believe that she was talking to a real, live Jirachi. Well, actually, she could really believe. At the moment she was only thinking that this was an amazing dream that she never wanted to wake up from, but that idea would change soon.

_(Yes.)_

"Alright, I can do that. Thank you, Jirachi."

The wish pokémon bowed its head in acknowledgment of the child's gratitude. _(You are welcome.)_

Juliet grinned and watched as the world faded. Her eyes opened. It had been a very nice dream. Pity that it hadn't lasted. The game Jirachi had been telling her about would have been great fun to play, especially since she and Kitty could have won it together.

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><p><em>(Awake, sister of Juliet. A wish has been granted and you play a part in its fulfillment.)<em>

"What?" I asked, quickly coming awake. I blinked and looked around, not that doing so did any good. I couldn't see anything at all, not even the hand in front of my face. It could have been nighttime, except that I couldn't see the glowing numbers of my digital clock in the gloom. When I put my hands down at my sides I couldn't feel my sheets or blankets around me.

I turned, frantically, trying to figure out just where I was. There was no light to see by, no smell, and I couldn't feel anything around me. This definitely wasn't my bedroom.

"Where am I?" I asked. My voice was the only sound to be heard, and it was a horribly lonely sound.

_(You are in an unformed world. There is nothing and no-one here except you and I.)_

"And who are you?" I ask warily. I'm scared now, heart-pounding scared.

_(I am Jirachi.)_

"And I'm supposed to attach a meaning to that name, aren't I?" I asked tiredly. Way too many bad fantasy novels start out this way, with the hero/heroine and a divine or magical figure explaining something to them. Like, for example, that they've traveled through time and space and into a different world. I should know. I've read enough of them to guess.

_(I am a pokémon that grants wishes.)_

"And I'm here because somebody made a wish? On you?" I guessed, feeling my heart sinking. Really, if this was a story then the plot would be so cliché that I would have snapped the book shut right away. This isn't fair. Pokémon are little Japanese anime creatures that you should be able to punt across a football field. Not these things that can teleport you anywhere they please, taking someone across dimensions and into worlds that haven't yet been shaped by the hand of a god.

_(Yes.)_ Jirachi answers.

"Well, you see, I definitely didn't make any wishes, so you can take me right back to my bedroom, okay? It can't be that hard for you," I say. There is a note of desperation in my voice.

_(It is not that simple. You are not the maker of the wish.)_ I am almost willing to swear that I hear a note of amusement in the telepathic voice.

"And who is the maker?" I ask. I can already guess just who.

_(Juliet.) _Ten points for me, though I'd more than gladly trade them in for a ticket on the next train that was homeward bound. Damn my stupid sister.

"Can we just skip to the part about how to undo the wish and get me home?" I asked, getting impatient. It couldn't be that hard, right?

_(Very well. In the region of Sinnoh there is a mountain named Coronet. Depending on what world of the multiverse one is in, at the top of the mountain is either Dialga or Palkia. Dialga is a master of time. Palkia is master of space. To return to your native world you will have to have in your possession both of these pokémon. Of course, you can only obtain one.)_

"Then how in hell am I supposed to get home!" I demanded. I didn't know that the Japanese Pocket Monsters would be this sadistic. Setting me up on an impossible quest... doing such a deed is ugly, unoriginal, cruel, heartless, and very effective.

_(Juliet shall obtain the other pokémon. Together, you shall return home.)_

"This sounds like that DS game I was playing," I said, mostly to myself.

_(It __**is**__ the DS game you were playing. Juliet wished that you would play pokémon with her. And you will.)_

I sigh and wish that there was a wall to bang my head against. Jools is – though I will never admit this under pain of torture to a living soul – very sweet. She's innocent and (in my opinion) not too smart for her age. Capture a pokémon that's a master of either time or space? She'll never manage it. And I doubt I will either.

"Well, no time like the present for getting started. Let's do this."

_(Then prepare yourself, sister of Juliet, for the world of pokémon.)_

"I really don't think I can."_  
><em>


	4. Of Possessed Clocks And Pink Hair

"Hello there, it's so very nice to meet you. Welcome to the world of pokémon."

I blinked and looked around. Who was speaking to me? The darkness of the unformed world had gone, to be replaced by a pearly grey vista that showed only distance without boundaries. It was beginning to slowly form into a bedroom.

"Hello?" I called out cautiously. The voice wasn't telepathic like Jirachi's had been. "Who's speaking?"

"My name is Rowan. However, everyone just calls me the Pokémon Professor."

"That's nice and all," I replied, "But where the heck are you?"

"Before I go any further," the voice of the mysterious Rowan continued, "Is this your first adventure?" The bedroom was slowly forming as he spoke. Colors were emerging, as were shapes. There was a bed coming into existence underneath me. It was really creepy to watch.

"Er…yes?" I ventured. "Do you have a guidebook for me, Rowan? Something like 'world-hopping for dummies in deep shit'?"

"If you need advice, I'm certainly capable of giving it."

"The guidebook would be fine, really. That's all I'm asking."

"This world is widely inhabited by creatures known as pokémon."

The bedroom was almost totally solid now, and the only way I could force my hand straight through the mattress of my bed was by pushing really hard. It wasn't my room, to be honest. I don't remember having a TV in my room. And I definitely don't go for the log cabin style walls.

"I realized that when Jirachi showed up," I replied glumly.

"Here, I have a Poké Ball. Touch the button on the middle of the Poké Ball, if you'd please." The voice was coming from my alarm clock. Great, I have a mechanical device that's been possessed. One that uses improper grammar, no less. The correct wording is "if you please" not "if you-would please (contraction form "you'd"). I am such a nerd.

A sphere that could comfortably fit in my hand materialized in front of me. I looked at it for a moment, probably wondering if it was going to do something other than fall onto the blanket that covered my legs. I touched it cautiously, and when realizing that it felt normal I grabbed it. One half of the sphere was white, and the other half was red. It was smooth, without blemishes or scratches on its surface. Cautiously, I pressed the button that was situated on the border between the two colors.

The Poké Ball opened suddenly, releasing a beam of red light that materialized into a creature. I did what I like to think anyone would have done in this situation: I screamed like a sissy and scrambled as far away from the thing as I could.

"WHAT THE HELL? DADDY!" I screamed. This was too much. No way am I going to be in the same room with a creature that has fangs protruding out from its mouth, even if it did look like a witless teddy-bear that had fallen into the wrong paint cans at the hardware store.

I jumped out of the bed and ran to the trapdoor, pounding on it with my fists and yanking hard on the handle that should have opened it. "DA-DEEE!" I screamed. "THERE'S SOMETHING IN HERE WITH ME! HEEELP!" I screamed and pounded at the trapdoor, frantic to get away from the thing. The door was locked, however, and I couldn't get out. All the thing did was look at the screaming human with a vague curiosity.

As I went hysterical my alarm clock calmly continued talking as though nothing was wrong: "We humans live alongside pokémon as friends. At times we play together, and at other times we work together."

"SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

"Some people use their pokémon to battle and develop closer bonds with them. What do I do?"

"ANYBODY, PLEASE!"

"I conduct research so that we may learn more about pokémon."

When I calmed down somewhat I looked behind myself at the little creature. It was gone. I blinked once in confusion, no longer feeling the need to scream. I got on my hands and knees and looked under the bed, then under the desk that my computer was sitting on. I looked in corners and nooks and all sorts of crannies, but the creature was nowhere to be found. It had just... vanished, along with its poké ball. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

"Now, why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?" my alarm clock continued. "Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?"

"Last time I checked I was most definitely a girl," I replied as firmly as I could.

"All right, so you're a girl?"

"I just told you that I was!" I snapped irritably. Prying, nosy alarm clocks. There was no getting rid of them, was there?

"Tell me, what is your name?"

"Kitty," I answered. I was born with the name of Katherine, and my nicknamed ended up being Kitty for some reason.

"Your name is Kitty?"

"I just told you that, you stupid alarm clock! Yes, my name is Kitty!" I nearly screamed at it.

"OK... So, you're Kitty?"

If there had been any justice in the world, the look that I sent that alarm clock would have melted into into a little puddle of molten plastic. As it was, it didn't even have the decency to look embarrassed. Not that an alarm clock can look embarrassed, but you know what I mean. "Yes," I growled.

"A fine name that is!"

"Uh... thanks, I guess."

"Now, this boy here... I believe he's your friend." All of a sudden, my gaze was drawn to a framed photograph sitting on my desk. It depicted a boy with unruly blond hair, a striped orange-and-white shirt, wearing a green scarf and jeans.

"What might his name be?"

I squinted at the picture, but in truth I've never seen anyone like him before. The only contact I have with other kids is my school, and I definitely haven't seen anyone like him there. "I dunno," I said with a shrug. "I never met him. Why do you think he's my friend, anyway?"

"Idunno, is it? That's your friend's name?" the alarm clock continued.

I shrugged. "Sure, whatever," I answered.

"All right, Kitty, the time has come," my alarm clock said in a horribly chipper and cheerful voice. A feeling of dread settled in my stomach like a lump of lead. I swallowed nervously. _This can't be good_, I thought.

"Your very own tale of grand adventure is about to unfold."

"Nooo," I moaned, holding my head in my hands. The drama! The drama!

"On your journey, you will meet countless pokémon and people."

"Please, dear God no."

"I'm sure that along the way you will discover many things, perhaps even something about yourself."

"You sound like a camp counselor for retards. You know that, right?" I asked. The alarm clock stubbornly ignored me.

"Now, go on, leap into the world of pokémon!"

"Couldn't I just, you know, wade in very cautiously and slowly instead? That sounds so much safer," I replied. But the alarm clock had fallen silent and spoke no more with a weird old man's voice. Thank God and whoever was on my side for small favors, eh? Even the glowing digital numbers on its surface had died.

I sat down hard on the bed and ran my hands through my hair. It would have been so much simpler if I had just played that game with Jools and gotten it over with. Now here I was. Stuck in a fictional world, in my pajamas no less, charged with a nigh-impossible task as my only way to get home, and forced to work side-by-side with the creatures I had despised all my life.

I was never going to make it.

A lock of hair fell into my face. My first thought when I saw it that it wasn't mine, and that something pink had fallen onto my head and was dangling in front of my face. The reason that I thought this was because my hair is brown. Brown as dirt. But this stuff was... pink. Pinker than a McDonald's strawberry milkshake, in fact. I attempted to grab it and tug it away, but only managed to hurt my head.

I carefully touched my hair, examining in. All of these... pink strands seemed to be attached to my head. It was the length that my real hair had been, and felt mostly the same, but it was... pink. I hate pink. I detest, despise, loathe, abhor, and in general really, _really_ hate that color. It's stupid, I know, hating a color. But pink represents all of the cutesy, girly emotions that I've come to look down on. Everything that I've come to think of as a "stupid girl weakness". I hate it.

So understand me when I say that after reaching the conclusion that my hair has somehow changed color, changed pink, I screamed. Very loudly. And I didn't stop screaming for a _looong_ time.

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><p><strong>In anime games and TV shows it always seems that the characters have technicolor hair. So... yeah, that's about it. I just couldn't resist torturing Kitty a little bit more. It's fun. Any suggestions for making her life miserable? And yeah, I've already come up with making brown hair dye unavailable for her, so don't tell me that one.<strong>

**Alarm Clock/Professor Rowan's dialogue is taken directly from the start-up sequence of the game, which I am playing parallel to writing this.**


	5. And The Misadventure Begins

**Ahh, finally getting started. And this is my longest chapter yet! In this chapter, Kitty will encounter the infamous Pikachu Shoes (much to her chagrin) and the fact that there are indeed such things as Mom-Clones (much to her horror). Again, much of the dialogue of the canon characters is taken directly from the game.**

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><p>After I had calmed down a little bit and managed to stop screaming I just lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. <em>I am not going to get a pair of scissors and cut off all my hair. I am not going to get a pair of scissors and cut off all my hair<em>. I just needed to keep telling myself that, and everything will be okay. It wouldn't be very good for me if I managed to win the game and got back home with outrageously short (though wonderfully brown) hair, now would it? Mom would freak! It's just a color, it's just a color, and I'm sure that plenty of people here have pink hair. It's nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide. I do not need to cringe whenever anybody looks at me.

What the hell am I saying?

I slipped a hair tie off my wrist and tied the long pink hair into a tight ponytail, then stood up and took a deep breath to brace myself for whatever might lie ahead.

Time to get this game over and done with. I just have to go through it, that's all. How long had it taken me to get the second gym badge when I had played Pokémon Diamond on my DS? A few hours? I could probably beat the game if I kept going steadily for an entire day. Shouldn't take long at all, really.

I went over to the trapdoor and tried opening it. It swung open easily, with barely a creak of hinges. Magical unlocking devices, greeeeat. When I need to escape from evil midget monsters, the door traps me inside with them. When I really don't want to face whatever is down there, it unlocks. I really should take some time off and try to figure out which god or goddess hates me, and why.

Beneath the trapdoor was a set of stairs going down. The underside of the trapdoor had been painted bright red, with the words "Kitty's Room, Prepare for Fire!" painted on with yellow and orange paint that looked vaguely similar to flames. Pokémon stickers and been attached to it as well.

I gave the trap door a last look, wondering vaguely how that had gotten there. My bedroom door was similar, except that it was painted to resemble a volcano with dinosaurs in front of it. I had gone through a really intense dinosaur phase when I was around Jools' age, alright? Stop laughing!

I walked down the stairs, looking around at the new room I had entered. The walls were blue with darker blue vertical stripes, and there was a TV playing. The screen was positioned so that I couldn't see it from the bottom of the staircase, however.

My mom was sitting on a cushion in front of the TV. She looked up when she saw me and smiled, then got up and walked over to me. I stared at her. How had my mom gotten here as well?

_Jirachi, for abducting my mother you are now officially on my kill list_, I thought. _Please finish writing your will and making any and all funeral preparations. I am coming for you._

"Kitty!" she said to me, smiling widely.

"Hey, Mom," I said nervously. Oh, was I gonna have some explaining to do.

"Idunno came calling for you a little while ago. I don't know what it was about, but he said it was an emergency." Mom said, still smiling.

"Who's Idunno?" I asked, feeling confused. My mom did not act like this. If this person named Idunno had said that something was an emergency my mom would have been freaking out and probably calling the police.

Mom's smile faltered momentarily. "Don't you remember Idunno?" she asked. "You two have been friends since you were toddlers."

"I–" I began. "Where's Dad?" I asked at last, getting desperate. My mom was not acting like my mom, she had been brainwashed, and oh… oh… oh _fuck_.

"He isn't here, sweetie," Mom said. My mom never called me sweetie. 'Honeybug', and 'precious girl', yes (much to my not-so-secret shame) but not sweetie. "Maybe you should go and see what Idunno was going on about now?"

I gave her my special Who-The-Hell-Are-You-And-What-Piece-Of-My-Previously-Normal-Life-Have-You-Raped Look™ and carefully sidled around her. Once outside of what I was guessing to be the Mom-Clone's reach I lunged for the door and yanked it open, intent on making my escape.

"Oh, yes! Kitty!" The Mom-Clone said. I flinched and braced myself. "Don't go into the tall grass," the Mom-Clone continued, "Wild pokémon might attack you. It would be OK if you had your own pokémon, but you don't, so..." it trailed off with a happy smile. I did my best not to whimper in not-very-well-repressed panic.

When it was obvious that it wasn't going to say anything more I bolted out the door quicker than greased lightning and slammed the door shut behind me, leaning against it with a soft sigh of almost relief. The Mom-Clone was safely away from me.

_When your funeral rolls around, Jirachi, I will be the one to burst out laughing in the middle of the service and start capering about, singing, "Ding dong, the witch is dead!" over and over. Just saying, so that you aren't surprised or something.  
><em>

I was going to kill that pokémon. Slowly.

After I had regained some semblance of calm, or at least enough to walk without looking back over my shoulder every step of the way, I took a moment to look around. I was in a small neighborhood surrounded by a tangle of trees. There was a dirt/sand path leading through the place, and short grass was everywhere else. I didn't see a single garage, car, or even a bicycle.

"I really am out in the sticks," I said to myself. It was nighttime, and in the sky sailed a full moon. The dark sky was strewn with stars, reminding me of a jewelry display that had shown diamonds lying on tasteful black velvet. The sky was probably more beautiful, and jewelry stores didn't get shooting stars.

A little ways from my house was a pond, and at the pond's edge was a fat man standing around and looking pleased with himself. I walked up to him cautiously.

"Excuse me, mister–" I began.

"Technology just blows me away!" the fat man exclaimed loudly. I nearly jumped a foot into the air at the sound of his loud voice rending the nighttime quiet. "I mean, now you can play with other people around the world... wirelessly!"

"That's great, mister, be a happy fat dude," I said quickly, backing away from him.

"Hey! Don't call me that!" the fat dude said. He looked angry. "I'll tell your mother what you said, Kitty!" he threatened.

"That woman in the house over there isn't my mom, you idiot, so there's no point," I replied with as much scorn as I could muster. The effect was somewhat ruined because I was sniggering and grinning from the effort not to laugh. Insulting people and being rude are my favorite hobbies. The adrenaline rush that you get when you know someone is going to do their best to strangle you in roughly four seconds always gets me going. Plus, it's always interesting to watch their faces change color.

The fat man ground his teeth, and I saw him raise his fist. Was he going to try and strike me? I shrieked and bolted away from him, tripping over a branch in my haste and falling. I skinned the heels of my hands on the rough ground, but quickly scrambled up and continued running until I was hiding safely behind the Mom-Clone's house. Running away has always been one of the things that I'm good at. It's a gift.

Now that I was safely away from the fat man's wrath I took the opportunity to look around. This neighborhood sure was small. There were two big, two-story houses and two little ones, and that was _it_.

If memory served then this was the place in Diamond where the player started out. It was called something about trees... treeleaf town? Twoleaf? Twinleaf! Yeah, that was it. Twinleaf Town. Stupid name. I could have come up with a better one. To get a starter pokémon the player had to go to a lake and pilfer the contents of some old guy's suitcase. The old guy would later give out a pokédex and not care that his pokémon had been used without permission.

Right. I was gonna cut to the chase and get it over with. Lake Whatever-it's-called, here I come!

The full moon offered just enough light to see by, and I began walking cautiously down the path toward the exit of the town. I'm a city girl, and I don't like being out in the country be night. It's too quiet, too still. I want to hear traffic on the roads and see neon signs and streetlamps banishing the darkness.

I continued along the path, but suddenly someone ran in front of me. Hands grabbed my shoulders and shoved me backwards. I ended up sprawling on my back in the dirt.

"Hiya, Kitty!" the person said. "Idunno was looking for you. I think he's home now. Why don't you go and check it out?"

I stared up at the person in confusion. Despite pushing me to the ground like he was going to fight me, the boy was grinning cheerfully and seemed pretty friendly. Twerp. Oh, how I hate you too, nameless twerpy person... but if you're that strong and fast then I'm going to keep my mouth shut around you... and besides, I think you're as much of a nut-case as a Mom-Clone...

"Uh… sure," I said slowly, getting up and brushing off the dust from my pants. The person grinned and trotted back to where he had been standing previously, frequently changing the direction he was looking in so that he was seeing all around him. There would be no getting around the little bastard. I would just have to stick with the storyline for this one.

I walked over to the big house that "my" Mom-Clone wasn't in, going over to the door and raising my hand to knock.

The door flew open and slammed against the side of the house with a crash, and a boy ran out. Unfortunately, my body proven to be an obstacle for him. With an "Oof!" of mingled surprise and pain I was once more sent sprawling. If this is going to keep happening, then I'm gonna start demanding a written warning beforehand.

"Why is everyone pushing me down tonight?" I ask nobody in particular as I get up. The kid that had ran into me was undoubtedly the one in the photograph back on the desk in the Mom-Clone's house. He, too, had been knocked onto his butt from the collision. But he's jumping back up to his feet quickly as though there are springs attached to the soles of his shoes. Bastard. I heaved myself up with a groan and stand with undisguised weariness. That's twice in one night I've been knocked over.

"What was that about?" the kid demanded. He looked to be about Jools' age, actually.

"Oh, hey, Kitty!" he said, as though noticing me for the first time. "Hey! I'm going to the lake! You come too, and be quick about it!" He was so _loud_. I wanted to hit him repeatedly over the head with a heavy, blunt object, or maybe just duct-tape his mouth shut. Either option is looking good at this point.

"You want to go to a lake that has wild pokémon in and around it _at night?_" I ask incredulously. I sure don't, that's for certain.

"Yeah!" the kid said eagerly, bouncing from foot to foot. The little idiot is crazy. Totally off his rocker. Bonkers. Bananas. "OK, Kitty?" he asks me, peering up into my face. "I'm fining you a million dollars if you're late!"

"No way in hell!" I yell after him as he starts running off.

Just as quick as he had started to run he makes a U-turn and comes dashing back. "Oh, jeez! Forgot something!" he yells as he rushes past me. He goes back into the house, the door slamming shut behind him with a bang.

For a moment, I just stand there, totally shocked. That had been a very... quick... experience, to say the least. How much caffeine had that idiot's mother let him have before bedtime, anyway?

I carefully opened a door and walked inside. The room was pretty much the same as the lower story of the Mom-Clone's house, with the same wallpaper and furniture. Though the furniture had been moved around, that was about the only difference. Nothing much to look at.

"Idunno is in his room, Kitty," a woman said. She was a short woman wearing a red dress and a white apron. The outfit practically screamed 'housewife', and it also whispered of Mom-Clone-edness. I gave her a wide berth as I headed up the stairs and into the kid's room.

"...I'd better take my bag and journal too..." the kid was saying. He was zooming around his bedroom and grabbing things, then throwing them into a satchel. I watched him with weary patience. This was the preferred packing method of all children, which needed to be gone over by a mother to make sure that they hadn't left out critical items like toothbrushes. Since it was also _my_ preferred packing method, I wasn't going to comment.

"Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness," I said with forced cheerfulness by way of greeting, giving a little wave.

The kid jumped and looked up at me. "Oh, hey, Kitty!" he said, taking no notice of the comment. "We're going to the lake! I'll be waiting on the road! It's a ten million dollar fine if you're late!"

He bolted again, and I threw myself out of the way as he zoomed by me like a comet gone rogue. I heard him pound down the stairs and shout out both a greeting and a goodbye to his mother as he sped through the living room, and then the door slammed.

I sighed and clopped slowly down the stairs. What was with that kid? I went through the living room, skirting around the Mom-Clone and heading for the door. I left the house and walked through the neighborhood, heading toward the entrance of the place. I still needed to get to that lake.

I stuck my hands in the pockets of my jeans and walked through Twinleaf Town, still wishing for some noise to break the silence. I glanced at the twerpy idiot that had pushed me down, but now he didn't so much as glance at me as I walked by.

The kid was waiting for me at the entrance of the town. There would be no escaping him, apparently.

"Hey!" Idunno said. "You saw that news report on TV, right?" he asked. "You know, 'Search for the Red Gyarados! The mysterious appearance of the furious pokémon in a lake!' "

"Nope," I answered, looking at him. "Don't know what you're talking about, midget." Beyond the fact that it was a kind of pokémon, I had no idea what a Gyarados was.

"That show got me to thinking," Idunno said. I realized with dull annoyance that he was going to ignore me totally, just like Rowan the Talking Alarm Clock.

"I'll bet our local lake has a pokémon like that in it, too!" Idunno continued excitedly. I just looked at him. "So, that's what we're going to do. We'll go and find a pokémon like that."

I rolled my eyes. "And what are you gonna do once you find it?" I demanded. "Name it Fluffy and take it home on a leash?" Idunno paid me no heed, but instead grabbed my wrist with a surprisingly strong grip. Without warning he started running again, nearly jerking my arm out of its socket. I groaned and followed him with stumbling steps as the little kid practically dragged me to the lake.

When we got to the lake Idunno suddenly looked confused. He stopped dragging me around, which was nice. I tugged my wrist away from him, noticing that he offered no resistance. Whenever Idunno (or anyone else around here, really) had lines to say they immediately turned into characters rather than people and ignored me totally. It was weird, and kinda creepy.

"What's going on...?" Idunno asked.

There was an old guy that was probably the real Professor Rowan, and his little geeky assistant with him. They were standing on the shore of a lake. I had to admit, the lake was beautiful. The moonlight sparkled on the water, the flashes of light like jewels, and the water made a gentle, soothing sound as it lapped against the steep and rocky shore. The sounds of nocturnal pokémon could be heard in the distance. It wasn't worth coming all the way to this world just to see a lake, but the idea of this world holding something other than drudgery and misery for me hadn't entered my mind until I saw it. My attitude didn't exactly improve on sighting the lake, but it was definitely now open to the possibility.

"Professor, there's nothing out of the ordinary on the other side, either!" geeky assistant dude was saying.

"Hmm..." said the professor, "I may have been mistaken..."

"Hey, you people!" I yelled.

There was no response. Rowan just kept on talking: "Something appears to be different than it was before, but..."

"Hey, old dude and dweeb!" I yelled, louder this time, waving my arms in another attempt to get their attention. "Are you deaf or something?"

"Fine!" Professor Rowan said. For a moment I hoped that Rowan had heard me, but then my heart sank again when I realized that he just kept talking. "It's enough that we have seen the lake. Lucas, we're leaving." I hate cut scenes.

"Professor, you've been gone for four years now," Lucas said. "How are you enjoying being back in Sinnoh?"

"JUST HURRY IT UP ALREADY!" I screamed. Even Idunno, who was standing beside me, didn't appear to hear a thing I was saying.

"...Hm. There is one thing I can say. There are many kinds of rare pokémon in Sinnoh. The region should prove us very well in regard to our studies."

I sighed and checked the watch that I had drawn on my hand with black sharpie marker before leaving my home world. It was stuck on twelve o'clock, the same as it had been four hours ago. And really, why would the professor come out here at night to have conversations with his assistant? Nothing in this game was making sense.

The professor, followed by his assistant, turned and walked toward us. When he came to us he looked at both me and Idunno for a moment. His hazel eyes were piercing and hard, seeming to look inside of me and divine my true thoughts.

"Excuse me," he said after a moment's examination. "Let us pass, please."

Idunno quickly jumped out of the way, hauling me clear as well. The professor walked by us and vanished down the tunnel of trees that was the entrance and exit to the lake and the only clear ground around it.

Lucas looked at both of us as well. "Sorry folks," he said, then hurried to catch up to the old man.

"What was that about?" Idunno asked me when they had gone. "Those two... Huh, Kitty! Let's go check this out." He grabbed my wrist and attempted to drag me like he had before.

"No way, Idunno," I snarled, digging my feet into the turf in an attempt to anchor myself. "I am not going into that grass. Me no likey pokémon. Let's leave. Now."

"Huh? What's that?" Idunno asked. I sighed when I realized that that I had triggered a conversation sequence with the little bugger. "Don't go into the tall grass?" He didn't seem to notice my annoyance when he opened his mouth.

"We won't be in there long enough for a wild pokémon to come out."

"Oh, but they will," I said as I was dragged into the tall grass by the determined and surprisingly strong little boy. "Just watch. It's part of the game sequence. You'll see."

The tall grass reached up nearly to my hips, and I was glad I was wearing long pants. Once we had come to the middle of the thicket Idunno looked down. "It's... a briefcase?"

"No shit, Sherlocke," I snapped, looking down at the old and battered briefcase that was lying there in the grass. It didn't look like it was in very good shape, either. It was stained, and not all that clean, and looked as though it had been patched in some places.

"Those people forgot it here," Idunno stated the obvious. I watched as two birds flew out of the trees surrounding the lake and headed straight toward us. "

"What are we supposed to do with it? We can try to deliver it, but who are they?"

"Idunno, we should start running now," I hissed at him, punching him in the arm as I spoke. I eyed the birds and wished that Idunno would pay attention to me. He didn't seem to hear me.

"I heard them say professor…" Idunno trailed off when he saw the birds headed straight toward us. His eyes widened. "Waaah! Po-Pokémon? What's going on?" The birds didn't stop coming at us when they go near, instead they kept going with a wicked gleam in their beady black eyes. My face and torso were slapped with wings, and when I raised my arms to protect my face they were pecked and scratched.

"Kitty!" Idunno said, trying to fend off a bird while going for the briefcase. "There might be pokémon in here! We can beat these Starly!"

"Not me!" I shrieked. Still shielding my head with my arms and hands, I started blundering through the tall grass in an attempt to flee. One of the bird pokémon that Idunno had called a Starly continued assaulting me. I couldn't dare raise my head and look around for fear of having my eyes pecked out. I continued screaming and running away, heading straight into a wall of trees.

I dived under the branches, and when it became obvious that I couldn't continue standing I dropped to my hands and knees and crawled forward resolutely. Twigs and leaves got caught in my hair, and the ground was damp and cold. I stumbled into a thicket of brambles and forced my way partly into them, feeling the thorns raking across my skin.

The Starly had followed me, but didn't get very far. Its night vision was poor, and the visibility was even worse when the moon was hidden by the leaves and branches that blocked the sky. I heard its strident cries fade as it flew off, away from me.

I waited for several long moment more, but when the Starly didn't return I crawled out from my hiding place and made my way back to Idunno.

The ten-year-old was looking very proud of himself, and there was a defeated and unconscious Starly lying on the ground in front of him. An equally proud Piplup was standing beside him, basking in the praise that Idunno was lavishing upon it.

The kid looked up when I approached. He just as scratched up as I was, bleeding from scratches and pecks that the Starly had dealt upon him before Idunno had managed to defeat it. I was about the same, except that I was covered in mud as well from crawling around in the ground.

"Hey, Kitty!" Idunno said, seeming pleased that I had managed to find my way back. "My Piplup totally rocked! You should have seen us battle! We were awesome!"

"Piplup," Piplup agreed.

"Oh, and look at this!" Idunno tossed a poké ball at me. I caught it clumsily in both hands. "There's a Chimchar in there! I know you've always wanted to see one!"

I looked at Idunno, who was waiting on me with his childish eagerness, then at the poké ball. There was no avoiding it. With a sigh, I pressed the button on the ball.

The ball opened and released a beam of red light that materialized into a Chimchar. It looked around at its surroundings. "Char?" it asked.

"Hello, Chimchar," I said with forced friendliness. I would have backed away hurriedly if Idunno hadn't been watching, and if I'd had a phone I would have called animal control. I don't like pokémon. At all. "Gosh, wow, you look really amazing," I lied, continuing along the same line. "I've always wanted to meet someone like you."

Chimchar turned and looked at me. It looked more like a type of monkey than anything else, orange in coloration, with a tan face and underbelly. There was a flame burning on its rear. The Chimchar smiled at me when it heard the compliment, looking perfectly friendly. I knew better than to let the thing fool me with its disarming looks, however. From the TV show that Jools had sometimes forced me into watching with her I knew that those things could breathe fire just like a dragon.

I took me a few seconds to realize it, but when the thought hit me I couldn't help but groan in frustration. I had chosen Chimchar when I had last played the game, and it had been insanely hard to beat first Gym Leader with that. I was going to have a hard time getting through the game with a Chimchar, if this was going to be my starter pokémon.

"...These are other peoples' pokémon, though..." Idunno said, trailing off and looking unhappy. "But we had to use them... They won't mind, will they?" I shrugged in reply, though I had a feeling that we were entering another cut scene in which I would be totally ignored.

Just then Lucas came running back. He waded into the tall grass totally without fear. "Whew! You found the briefcase?" he asked. Idunno nodded. "The Professor would have gone through the roof if he knew I forgot it here."

It was about this time that the assistant happened to look around and notice the Chimchar and Piplup that were out of their poké balls. He choked and sputtered for a moment. "Whaaat?" he said at last. "Did you guys... did you use these pokémon?"

Idunno shuffled his feet in embarrassment. Piplup looked up at Lucas defiantly, as though daring the boy to challenge him, and Chimchar just looked confused. He certainly hadn't been involved in any wild pokemon battle.

"Oh, man... how am I gonna explain this to the Professor?" Lucas moaned.

"Telling the truth is sometimes a good idea," offered I, the girl who has always believed that lying is only a bad thing when you're found out for doing it.

"...This briefcase is the Professor's, so I'll take it, OK?" Lucas said, grabbing the briefcase. He made no appearance to have heard me. He snapped the clasps on the briefcase shut and tucked it under one arm, then hurried away from the lake.

"What was that about?" Idunno asked. "I don't know what's going on, Kitty. Let's get out of here. My pokémon got hurt from that battle. If we get attacked by another pokémon we might get in trouble." He returned Piplup to its poké ball.

"Oh, so it's your Piplup now?" I asked nastily as Idunno began walking away, for once at a normal speed. I followed him, not wanting to be dragged again. "What happened to 'these are other people's pokémon'? Has your attitude changed all of a sudden?"

We came out of the tunnel of trees that led into the area surrounding the lake. Idunno turned back to look at me. "You go ahead. I know we have to go return these pokémon. They're not ours."

"Another attitude change, I see."

"But I want to spend just a little more time with this little guy..."

"Knew it," I said smugly.

I turned and returned Chimchar to its poké ball. The ball was cool and smooth in my muddy hands, though the dirt that had gotten onto me was staining its once pristine red-and-white surface.

We rounded a corner in the path and saw Prof. Rowan (in human form) standing beside Lucas.

"Hey! It's those people!" Idunno exclaimed. "Is that old guy staring at us?"

Rowan walked right up to me, and I did my best not to take a step back. Despite being an older man with his hair gone completely white, he was very tall and looked very imposing. "Hmm..." he said, examining Idunno and I. "I heard from Lucas that you used our pokémon? Let me see them, please."

Idunno and I meekly handed over the balls containing Piplup and Chimchar. Rowan released them both and examined the pokémon. "Hmm..." he said. What was with this guy and Hmm-ing all the time? Seriously, it got on my nerves. "Chimchar and Piplup..." he murmured. "I see... That's how it is..."

Rowan returned both of the pokémon to their pokéballs and handed them back to Idunno and I. "Lucas! I'm going back to my lab!" Rowan announced. He began taking purposeful strides in the direction that would lead to Sandgem Town.

"Uh... Yeah, of course!" Lucas said, "Professor, wait for me!" Before he rushed off Lucas turned back to us.

"You should visit us at our lab later," he said.

"Not if I can help it," I replied.

"We'll be seeing you!" Lucas continued, apparently not hearing me at all. After that he ran off.

There was a brief moment of sweet, sweet silence.

Then Idunno spoke: "What was all that craziness about?" he asked. "I mean, if he was angry, he could have just yelled at us, or whatever... And didn't he want the pokémon back?"

"For once, our thoughts are in agreement, kid," I commented dryly. Idunno, since he was stuck in what I was beginning to think of as "game sequence", of course didn't hear me.

"Kitty... we should go home, too..." he continued, again ignoring me totally. He clipped the poké ball containing Piplup to his belt, which was apparently accessorized with six little hooks just for the purpose of holding poké balls. It was probably some trainer thing. And knowing how this horrible experience was going to play out (I am absolutely refusing to use the word adventure here) I was probably going to need one as well.

We turned and walked home, parting ways in the middle of Twinleaf Town.

With fear matching me step for step I went up to the house of the Mom-Clone and opened the door, stepping inside. I was reluctant to close it behind me, considering how useful doors are for making escapes, but it was the only thing to do.

The Mom-Clone was washing dishes in the kitchen. It looked up when I approached, then came over and sat down on a cushion in the living room area. I nervously backed a few steps away from it before my back hit a wall. Maybe I should have left the door open...? "What's up, dear?" it asked. My mom never called me dear, either.

"Well, Idunno and I went near a pokémon-infested lake in the dark without any supervision, then spied on some people. After they had left we stole two of their pokémon and Idunno used one of them to fight, and afterward when we were coming home we discovered that we had pilfered the pokémon from Rowan, the famous Pokémon Professor," I said as conversationally as possible. "Other than that, not very much." The Mom-Clone stared at my face as I spoke, but betrayed no other emotion than its blank, never-leaving smile.

"Wow," the Mom-Clone said. "I can't believe that happened to you. Am I ever so glad that both you and Idunno are unharmed."

"You honestly don't care about the entirely unlawful things that I've just done, do you?" I asked dully. "And can't you see that I'm hurt, woman?" I waved my bloody and muddy arm in her face.

"The Professor you mentioned is most likely Professor Rowan of Sandgem Town," the Mom-Clone continued, totally oblivious as always.

"I just told you that, you bloody idiot."

"I've heard that he's well known for his studies of pokémon. I hear he's also quite intimidating..."

"Meh. I've seen scarier math teachers in my time. It's amazing how scary a five-foot-one-inch-tall woman wearing oversized glasses can be, especially once you realize just how much they're capable of."

"Kitty, I think you need to visit him in Sandgem Town."

"Well, yeah, I do need to pass through there on my way to that city with the coal mine to get my Gym Badges..."

"You need to properly explain why you had no choice but to use his pokémon."

"Actually, I didn't really use the Chimchar, but whatever. Explaining is better than having him sic the police on me."

"I'm sure that he will understand."

"Or beat me into a pulp with the Turtwig that Idunno and I didn't take with us."

"Oh, I know!" the Mom-Clone said suddenly, changing the conversational thread that we had been following. I was almost disappointed, actually. Sarcasm can be amazingly therapeutic. The Clone went over to the oven and pulled out a cardboard box from it. It opened the box and brought it over to me, showing me a pair of sneakers.

I looked at the sneakers. They were black and white, with lightning bolts on both sides. A grinning Pikachu face decorated the exposed toe section of each shoe, with sparks shooting out from the little red patches on its cheeks. I stared for a moment, then grimaced. Despite them being my size, they looked like they should have been bought for a little kid.

"Kitty, put these on," the Mom-Clone said.

Reluctantly, I took the box and sat down heavily on the floor. Taking off my muddy but wonderfully Pikachu-less sneakers I replaced them with the Pikachu shoes. They even had Velcro straps instead of proper shoelaces. I nearly wept from the shame of wearing them.

"Going to Sandgem Town is like an adventure in itself, right?" the Mom-Clone said.

"I hate that word," I muttered angrily. Both _adventure_ and _awful_ start with the letter A. They should be synonyms, really.

"With those Running Shoes, you can get to faraway places much faster," the Mom-Clone said. "OK... let me read the instructions..." It bent down and pulled a note out of the bottom of the box that the shoes had been in, then cleared its throat and began reading: "'Press the B Button and dash about faster than ever before! Put on the Running Shoes and blaze new trails of adventure!' Well, isn't that just nifty!" It beamed at me. I scowled.

I took off the Pikachu Shoes (gag, choke, wheeze) and quickly ran a lap around the room in my socks. "I don't need shoes to run," I said resentfully to the Mom-Clone. It shrugged and kept smiling at me, and I could have sworn I saw a flicker of a manic gleam in its seemingly empty blue eyes for a moment.

I turned and looked around, eventually finding the clock on the wall. When I saw it my jaw dropped. It was two o'clock in the morning! Though that would, of course, explain how tired I felt...

And to think that I had thought this whole thing would be like taking candy from a baby... I groaned and trudged up the stairs to my bedroom.

When I get there I see that clean clothes have already been laid out on the bed, and that a door that I hadn't noticed before is swinging invitingly open. Checking the room beyond the door I see that it's a bathroom. I take a shower to wash the mud off, feeling myself relaxing under the hot spray. Applying band-aids isn't a problem either, since there are some in the cabinet. Admittedly, they I change into the clean clothes and flop down onto the bed, pausing only long enough to toss Chimchar's poké ball onto the floor, which quickly rolled under the desk. Jools might sleep with a poké ball under her pillow, but I sure don't.

Within seconds I managed to fall asleep.


	6. Route 201

I awoke to blinding sunshine falling onto my face. "Good morning, sweetie!" the Mom-Clone said, looking over its shoulder from opening the curtains on the windows. I took one look at the Clone, screamed loudly, and fell onto the floor with a thud. After that, I started swearing. It was only when had I hit the floor that I actually started feeling the bites and scratches that I had gotten during the night.

And people wonder why I don't like mornings.

After a few moments of verbally venting my frustrations I picked myself up again and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind myself to make sure that there wouldn't be a Mom-Clone entry. I looked myself over in the mirror. There were a lot of scratches, most of them on my face, arms, and hands. There were also a few places where the wild Starly from last night had managed to stab me with its beak, but otherwise I was okay.

The new clothes that I am assuming the Mom-Clone left out for me were... okay, I guess. Long denim pants, as well as a T-shirt and an oversized jacket that looked as though it had once belonged to a man. The shirt was dark blue and a picture of a joyful-looking Piplup on it. The jacket is made of a tough, durable material that I can't name at the moment, and had a design of a rearing pokémon that looked like a horse except for the horn and the flaming mane and tail. Aside from Pikachu, Chansey, and Togepi, Piplup is the only pokémon I can recognize on sight. I don't know what the horse type pokémon is, but I don't like it. Come to think of it, I don't even like normal horses either. I sigh, but put the shirt and jacket on anyway. The Mom-Clone has exited my bedroom.

I go downstairs, and find that breakfast has been laid out for me on a table. My real mom cooks breakfast for me maybe once a year. Most of the time I just have cereal and whatever else I could scrounge in the kitchen. Speaking of kitchens, The Mom-Clone is busy in its with its back to me. I slide into my seat at the table and attempt to eat as fast as I can without it noticing. Maybe I can make a quick getaway...

Today's breakfast is bacon and eggs, with a glass of milk on the side. I smirk when I see the bacon. Everyone in this world claiming that pokémon were their greatest friends in the world, capable of human thought if not human speech, and yet they eat 'em for breakfast. I almost should have been expecting the hypocrisy, really, since there is no other meat source in this world. I wolf down everything on my plate as fast as I can.

"There you are, dear! I was beginning to wonder if I would have to go up and get you down from your room!" the Mom-Clone exclaims. I choke on the milk I'm drinking and spill almost half of the glass down the front of my shirt. Great, just great. And getting me down from my room would entail your hand falling off to reveal secret cyborg parts and using a hidden spear to stab me through the middle and carry my corpse out the front door. Yeah, Clone, I know the secrets of thy mechanical heart. You can't fool _me_ with your act!

But in the meantime, when there's no reason to challenge the Mom-Clone to a big boss battle, I address the issue at hand and grab a handful of napkins from the dispenser on the table, then begin mopping myself up. As I was doing this my lower half was also trying to get out of the chair and flee out the door at the same time. I guess, if anyone had been watching besides a brainwashed Mom-Clone, then it would have been pretty funny.

Once my shirt is reasonably dry I stand by the table nervously, trying to decide whether I should go for the door or the window if the Mom-Clone decided to give into its secret homicidal urges and attack me. The Mom-Clone is walking toward me, holding a poké ball and two sandwiches in a ziplock bag. "I found your poké ball under your desk this morning," the Mom-Clone said. I eyed the Clone for a moment, then snatched the ball that contained Chimchar away from her and stuffed it into one of the big pockets of the jacket I was wearing.

"I made you some sandwiches too for your journey to Sandgem Town. It's for your lunch and dinner."

"Why would I need both lunch _and_ dinner?" I ask, taking the sandwiches with just as much wariness as I had used when retrieving the poké ball. Still standing and not taking my eyes off of the Mom-Clone, I pick up my glass and try to finish off what's left in the glass. I wish it was coffee, but a quick scan of the kitchen has revealed that there isn't a coffee-maker to be found.

"Don't you know, dear? The trip to Sandgem Town should take you all day."

Upon hearing these words I choked on the milk and spilled what remained in the glass down my shirt. Again.

About twenty minutes later I was trudging down Route 201, sandwiches and a poké ball in my pockets, heading toward Sandgem Town and fervently hoping that I wouldn't get lost on the way. The road was a mixture of dirt and gravel, heavily rutted in some places. Tall grass bordered the road and sometimes covered it, making travel difficult.

In the game it had taken a total of less than a minute to get to Sandgem Town, as long as the player wasn't attacked by wild pokémon. Now, it would take me the rest of the day, considering my late start. I had woken from my sleep around half past ten o'clock in the morning, and only then because the Mom-Clone had come into my room.

I guess it was a good day for traveling. The day was sunny with a few wisps of white cloud, and not very hot at all. Pleasantly cool, really. What season was it here? Spring? It certainly seemed to be. Not than I'm complaining or anything.

I walked since there was no pressing need to for me to run. Let's face it: I've always been physically lazy. Cracking a few textbooks and studying for an essay on the Bubonic Plague? No problem. Forming a three part oral report on the subject of mammalian evolution? I could do it in my sleep. But ask me to do sixteen push-ups and I'd collapse after the first eight. I'm a scholar, not an athlete, and walking all day held absolutely no appeal to me. But I had to walk if I wanted to get to Sandgem Town. And then I was going to have to walk to the city with the mine in it, and through the big forest place, and then to the city with the statue in it... Ew. All of it, just... just ew.

By the time it came to be around noon I was already feeling tired. Not collapse-from-exhaustion tired, but still. You get the idea. I had waded through a lot of tall grass, always wary and ready to flee from any wild pokémon I encountered. I was afraid that if I started to do a battle with any of the wild pokémon, Chimchar would switch sides and come to the aid of its feral comrades. And being chased by a monkey with a flame on its _butt_ would be both painful and humiliating.

Up ahead, in the grass, I saw someone standing around. He was moving a bit, but never out of the tall grass. I watched the guy for a moment, then tried calling out to him: "Heey!" I shrieked. I cannot yell, but I can shriek. Very loudly. Not quite to the point of shattering any nearby glass windows, but close.

The person didn't respond, so he was either deaf (in which case I was amazed that he was a pokémon trainer) or he was ignoring me (which was entirely more likely).

I looked at him, sighed, then realized that I was just going to have to go in after him. With a careful glance around to see if there were any wild pokémon around, I plunged in after him. If anything, he could be useful in assuring me that I hadn't gotten lost.

"Hey, Mister," I began, "Do you know – "

"Wild pokémon lurk in tall grass. They can come bursting out at any time," the man happily said. I had a feeling that he wouldn't hear a thing I said.

"Do you see these bites? Do you see these scratches?" I demanded. "I ALREADY FRAKKING KNEW THAT YOU DIMWIT!" The last sentenced I screamed.

"So, if you're wanting to battle wild pokémon, just walk in tall grass," the guy happily continued. "If you want to avoid wild pokémon, then stay out of the tall grass."

"Just tell me if I'm on the right road to Sandgem Town, okay?" I said tiredly. "That's all I want to know."

"Oh, you're on the right road," the man happily answered. My head shot up from its previous position of hanging unhappily, and I peered into his eyes. The vacant expression of someone who was reciting lines from The Game had disappeared, being replaced by mere stupidity.

With a sigh, I moved onward.

The day wore on. Around what I was guesstimating to be three o'clock I stopped and sat at the base of one of the few trees to be seen and ate one of my sandwiches. It was a meat-and-cheese one, by the way, proving that either the Mom-Clone had a copy of my diary and knew that I had never had any type of sandwhich besides meat-and-cheese since I was nine years old, or else could read my mind. I wasn't putting either option past her, since she was a Mom-Clone and therefore capable of great evils such as those. As I ate I leaned against the tree and stretched my legs, watching the world go by. "The world" being a Starly hopping into the dust of the road, pecking around for seeds or something for a moment, and then flying on. Really, that was as eventful as it got. And I was quite content with that.

I kept walking, and wished that the Mom-Clone had thought to give me a water bottle. I was hot and sweaty, and my legs were aching.

There was a girl up ahead, leaning against a sign that had been set up in the middle of nowhere and fanning herself. There was a poké ball at her belt. Her eyes lazily rested on me as I drew nearer, and I watched as she mopped her brow with the back of her hand.

"If your pokémon's health – that's its HP – is getting low, you should go home and get some rest," the girl said, her face wiped blank save for a vague happiness as she spoke the lines of the The Game.

"I haven't used Chimchar once today," I replied thankfully.

The girl shrugged and pointed beyond herself. She seemed to have come back to herself again. "You'll have three hours of slogging through the grass ahead of you, if you're going to Sandgem Town," she stated calmly, "And then you'll have to walk for another two hours to reach the town and Prof. Rowan's Lab," she said. My heart sank further and further as she spoke. _Five more hours of walking to go_, I thought, feeling hopelessness welling up within me. _And three of them through tall grass._

I looked toward the tall grass apprehensively, knowing that there would be wild pokémon in it. The scratches and beak marks of the Starly from the night before twinged painfully at just the thought of going in there. _I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna_… I kept thinking that phrase over and over as I took one step toward the tall grass, then another. More steps, and then the first strands of the grass were brushing my hands as I began wading into that dense tangle.

"You won't be able to see the road, but don't worry!" the girl called after me. "There are trees bordering what used to be the road, so just stay between them and you'll get there!"

"I feel _so_ reassured," I muttered. But in all fairness, the girl was right. There was a border of trees hemming in the tall grass, making an easy route to follow. Three hours... it had been only two minutes and my nerves were frayed already.

I went through the tall grass cautiously, stopping frequently to check and see if there was anything near me. Every strident Starly-call, be it from near or far, made me flinch and freeze for a moment. Every rustle of the grass that hadn't been created by yours truly made me bite my lip to stop from whimpering. I am more than ready to admit that I am not brave, and this was pure torture for a coward like me.

About twenty minutes later I was slowly coming around to the idea of moving faster than a snail's pace. Nothing had attacked me yet, in fact, for which I was grateful. I kept moving cautiously, not wanting to startle any of the pokémon that lived in this field into attacking me, but broke into a gait that was more akin to a walk than a fearful scurry.

It was at about this point that what I am going to call The Great Starly Incident occurred. I was walking along, when suddenly a group of Starly – probably no more than four or so – burst out of the tall grass in front of me. Apparently they had been roosting or building nests or searching for bugs to eat or _something_ down there, and I had blundered into them. The Starly were not pleased with me, and began the usual Starly attack method: slapping with wings, scratching with talons, and trying to peck out my eyes all the while making a noise that I am guessing is their war cry.

I screamed and shielded my face with my arms, feeling them yanking at my hair and wounding whatever exposed skin they could find. Starly are evil, you hear me? Eeeeviiiill!

Just as a Starly raked its talons down the back of my hand and wrist, drawing blood, did I remember Chimchar. Without thinking I fumbled for the poké ball, withdrawing it from my pocket and clicking the button. Chimchar came out.

"Chimchar, use Scratch on the –– Starly!" I shrieked, managing remember the first offensive move that the fire monkey learned. With a cry of "Char!" the Chimchar complied to my orders, clawing at the Starly that were assaulting me. Realizing that the greater threat wasn't coming from me, they turned their attentions to the fire monkey.

Chimchar was assaulted on all sides by the evil Starly, but the brave little beast kept on fighting them. I watched as he took blow after blow, but managed to keep using Scratch on the Starly that surrounded him in a storm of wings and beaks and talons. I watched as one Starly fell to the ground, unconscious, and as another one decided that the fight was getting too hard and fled the scene. Chimchar managed to disable another Starly by using a Scratch on its wing, pulling out several of its flight feathers. Once the feathers had been removed, the Starly fell to the ground, unable to fly. It hurried away into the tall grass, and I lost sight of it. Seeing that all its comrades had gone, the fourth Starly simply gave up and flew away over the tops of the trees.

I looked at Chimchar. The fire monkey was panting from the effort it had exerted during the fight, and there was blood spotting its tan and orange fur. Its fingers, from where it had been using its Scratch attack on the Starly, were also bloody. It was looking at me expectantly, seeming to be waiting for the next command that I gave it.

"Nice work, Chimchar," I said uncertainly, feeling awkward at giving praise. The Chimchar brightened up considerably and smiled. "Chim!" it said happily. For a second, just a second, I felt proud of the little guy. We had won. I pressed the button on the poké ball one more time, and Chimchar was returned inside it.

In the meantime... there were fresh scratches and tiny stab wounds from Starly beaks and talons. My face hurt. My hands hurt. There were holes in my pants from where the Starly had hooked their talons into the material in an attempt to get at my skin. A lot of my pink hair had been yanked out of its ponytail from where they had gotten their talons into _that_ as well. But otherwise, I was okay. The wounds were all superficial, and only one or two of them would require anything more than a band-aid by way of medical treatment.

I put Chimchar's poké ball back into my pocket and kept going.

The day went on towards sundown, and I saw very few pokémon. Much to my relief, not many of them seemed interested in fighting me. In fact, when I had stumbled upon a pokémon that looked like an overly furry beaver without the long flat tail, it had _run away from me_. Well, not run exactly, but it had definitely trundled away from me at top speed.

I was actually beginning to feel confident at this point, which would explain why the universe had to once again gave in to desire to slap me in the face and laugh.

I was tired, hot, sweaty, and cursing everyone I knew that had even the vaguest connection of getting me into my present situation. Though Jools and Jirachi were high on that list, so was my second grade math teacher, my pet gerbil, and a potted plant that had stood in the front hall of my real-world house. The tall grass was difficult to get through, and I was crashing through it noisily like a fool. I had eaten my second sandwich and was now extremely thirsty.

Up ahead was a tree, its canopy providing shade. _I'll take a break at the tree_, I told myself, changing my course and struggling toward it. I wanted nothing more than to sit down at its base and lean against the sturdy trunk, letting myself relax and giving my aching legs a few minutes to recover from the arduous trek that I had been undertaking all day.

When I got there, however, a pokémon was already at the tree.

It was one of the beaver things, with big buck teeth and a stupid expression on its otherwise bland face. For a moment, our gazes met. And then... and then the beaver thing growled.

To be honest, I hadn't expected a sound like that coming from something as idiotic looking as that pokémon. It was low and menacing, promising lots of hurt if I came any closer. I unthinkingly took a step back, feeling fear clench an icy fist around my heart that had never been very brave to begin with.

_Right_, I thought, _This was a bad idea. Probably be a __good_ _idea to leave right now_. I began backing away from the hostile pokémon, trying to move to the side at the same time so that there would be a tree between me and it. The pokémon watched me with narrowed, suspicious eyes.

The continuous growl it was making rose slightly in pitch as I started to move behind the tree. I froze in place, barely daring to breathe. Slowly, slowly, I reached into my pocket and wrapped my fingers around Chimchar's poké ball. It was reassuringly heavy as I brought it out.

The beaver pokémon's eyes fixated on the poké ball that I had in my hand. Miraculously, it gave a final snarl before quickly retreating into the tall grass and becoming lost from sight. I spontaneously remembered how to breathe and let out a sigh of relief, then slipped the poké ball back into my pocket and continued on. I had no desire to linger by the tree any longer.

No more than ten minutes later I was hailed by a stranger. "Hey!" the person said, a teenage guy of about fifteen years. "Have you seen a bad-tempered Bidoof around here by any chance?"

"What's a Bidoof?" I asked, nearly cringing at the stupidity of the question.

The guy gave me an incredulous look, then rolled his eyes. "Brown-furred pokémon with buck teeth and short stubby legs," he said, giving me a description of the mysterious Bidoof creature.

Realization dawned. "Oh, yeah, those," I said, "Yeah, I saw one. It growled at me a lot but when I brought out a poké ball to fight it the Bidoof ran away."

"Where was it?" the guy asked, looking excited.

I pointed to the tree, which could still be seen in the distance. "Over there," I answered.

"Thanks. That Bidoof belongs to my little sister, and I need to get it back to her in time for her birthday. Why she refuses to settle for that nice Shinx that was up for adoption, I don't know. Her pokémon just _had_ to be a Bidoof. Hey... I work at a Poké Mart. You look like a trainer, so you might want this." He pulled a spray bottle containing a purple liquid from his backpack and handed it to me.

"What is it?" I asked cautiously, taking the bottle and turning it over in my hands.

"It's a potion. They're not as good as super potions or hyper potions, but judging from the level you seem to be at I think you'll get by fine with just this. Spritz it on a pokémon's wounds and they'll be healed."

"Right. Yeah. Thanks, person," I said in reply.

I continued walking, then stopped dead in my tracks when the realization hit me: that was the first person I had talked to that hadn't been reciting lines from The Game. A slow grin spread across my face. The Game was becoming more real, changing. That meant that I could change things as well, and maybe skip some of the less important bits. Suddenly, it seemed that my quest had gotten just a little bit easier. I resumed walking toward my goal.

Finally, just after dusk, I reached Sandgem Town.

"I came all this way just for THIS?" I demanded angrily when I saw it. There were a couple of houses, a Pokémon Center, and a Poké Mart. And that was all there was. I had been scammed. Cheated. Swindled. Conned. Damn that stupid professor guy and his geeky assistant for getting me into this. Damn Idunno for not running away from the Starly and taking the poké balls from the bag instead. This whole pokémon journey thing was not worth the hassle.

Lucas, the stupid assistant person, ran up to me when he saw me. "Hi!" he said, and his face had a happy, glazed expression that showed he was in the thrall of The Game. "I've been waiting for you!"

"Too fucking bad, Twerp!" I screamed at him. "I don't care! I'm not making any pit stops for you or your Professor Rowan! Just leave me the hell alone, you hear me?" With those words of wisdom (or, more correctly, childish rage) spoken, I stormed off to the Pokémon Center to get Chimchar healed up. It was going to be a _long_ trip to the city with the coal mine in it.

I stormed along the dirt road than ran through Sandgem Town, feeling the rage I had unleashed upon Lucas dying down as I walked. I've never been very good at staying angry for long. The wrath would go as quickly as it came, leaving me feeling frustrated and hollow inside. By the time I entered the Pokémon Center through the sliding glass doors I was feeling tired and sad rather than angry.

The inside of the Pokémon Center clean and spacious, with florescent lighting on the ceiling. There were tables and chairs lining one wall, and a few video phones on the opposite wall. At a counter was a Nurse Joy and her poké ball recharging machine thingy. The Nurse was yawning and nursing a cup of coffee as she sat at the counter, with her Chansey dozing beside her on a stool. Beside her was a cardboard box with two sleeping blue kittens in it, the words "up for adoption, any trainer" scribbled onto it with black sharpie marker. There were no humans in here but me and her.

"Nurse Joy?" I asked hesitantly, approaching the counter. In the anime series I have never liked the Joys. They all seemed far too cutesy to be competent, in my opinion. But this Nurse Joy was middle-aged, with greying streaks in her pink hair and crow's feet at the corners of her eyes. She actually looked like a real nurse.

The Nurse Joy looked up at me and stifled a yawn. "Hello," she said, "And welcome to Sandgem Town's Pokémon Center. We can restore your tired pokémon to full health. Would you like to rest your pokémon?"

"Yes, please," I said, handing over Chimchar's poké ball.

"This will take several minutes," the Joy said, taking the poké ball from me and putting it in one of the six cups on the inside of the machine. She grabbed the handle and pulled the lid down, shutting it with a click, and then turned a dial on the front of the machine and punched a few buttons. I watched with interest as the machine whirred and hummed.

"Are you just starting your journey?" the Joy asked me.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked in return, feeling dismayed. Oh, sweet Gods, I must have stood out as a total rookie to everyone on Route 201. Argh, the embarrassment!

The Nurse laughed softly. "Yes," she said, "But I'm sure you'll get used to it. The healing process for your pokémon should take fifteen minutes or so. Are you going to spend the night?"

"W-what?" I asked shakily. It wasn't until now that I had actually begun wondering exactly where I was going to spend the night. The thought simply hadn't occurred to me.

"Pokémon trainers are allowed free rooms in the Pokemon Centers all over Sinnoh," the Nurse Joy explained patiently. "You can have one here, if you want."

"Yes, please," I answered. Nurse Joy pulled a key out from a pocket from her dress and handed it to me. I took it and looked at it. It was a simple brass key, slightly warm from being in Nurse Joy's pocket. There was a number 4 stamped onto its surface.

"Room four, just up the stairs to your left," the Nurse said, pointing. I turned and saw that there was indeed a flight of stairs going up.

"Thank you," I said, feeling uncomfortable with the kindness of the Joy. I've never been to a hospital in my life, thanks to the fact that I don't do foolish things and get hurt, and I'm unfamiliar with nurses.

"You're welcome," the Joy said. "It's nice to see a trainer with manners for a change. There was a boy that checked in only a few hours ago, and he didn't say a please or a thank-you once to me."

"Really?" I asked weakly. I had a feeling that the trainer in question would be Idunno. I didn't want to meet him, for the simple reason that he might tell the Professor that I hadn't really battled the Starly with his pokemon. If the Professor found that out he might take Chimchar away from me, and I would have to catch and train a Starly or Bidoof from around here. That would suck, since both species of pokémon seemed pretty weak.

Something butted up against my arm, which was resting against the counter. I looked and saw that one of the blue kittens had woken up and was busy cuddling me, making purring noises. The Joy was watching me, and under her gaze I _didn't_ give in to my first reaction, which was to recoil in horror and get the hell away from that… little blue feline thing. Instead, I gave it a nervous pat on the head and a scratch behind the ears, earning a mild electric shock for my pains, then picked up the kitten and put it back in the box with its comrade. It mewled at me piteously, but Chansey waved her stubby arm at it scoldingly. "Chans!" it said, and the kitten settled down and closed its eyes again.

"Would you be interested in adopting one of them?" Nurse Joy asked, watching me as I took a look at the kittens.

"No thanks. Cats make me sneeze," I replied. In fact, my nose was already tingling in warning. I scrunched my face up, and the Joy plucked a tissue from the box next to the recharging machine and handed it to me. I covered my nose and sneezed into it, then dropped the soiled tissue into the trash can behind the counter.

"Too bad," Joy said, continuing our conversation. "They've been here three months, and no-one's interested in taking them on. I'm going to be sending them over to Jubilife City in the morning. Maybe they'll have better luck there."

I nodded. Not for the sake of the two sleeping kittens, not for Chansey, but rather for the nice Joy, I said, "I hope so."

"My suggestion would be for you to visit the Poke Mart before continuing on to wherever you're going in the morning," the Nurse said. getting back to business. "They have first-aid kits there, for one thing."

"Ahh," I said, trailing off in embarrassment when I remembered the wounds that the Starly had given me. My face probably looked a mess now, actually. I went over to one of the empty tables against the wall, sitting down and waiting for the machine to finish healing up my Chimchar.

There were several maps of the Sinnoh region stuck between the napkin dispenser and the salt and pepper shakers, as well as some ads for the Jubilife TV Station and the local Poké Mart. I took it out and examined it, noticing that the Pokemon Gyms had been marked as well. Was it possible that I could swim to Canalave City from Jubilife? Or was there a ferry to take me there?

I sat pondering over the map for a long time, long enough that the full fifteen minutes passed and Nurse Joy summoned me over to the counter to pick up Chimchar. I tucked the poke ball containing the fire monkey into my pocket and walked up the stairs, finding room four and letting myself in with the key that the Joy had given me.

The room was small, with a bed, a chair, a small table, and little else. There was a connecting bathroom that I used to shower and in general clean myself up. Once that had been done I crawled between the covers of the bed and drifted off into an exhausted sleep.

Day Two of my horrible pokemon journey had been completed. Now I had only umpteen hundred more to go. Yay me.


	7. To Jubilife We Shall Go

**In this chapter, Our Heroine will be attacked by evil birds (again) lose a pokémon battle (unsurprisingly) and deny the fact that she's scared of the dark. Typical Kitty shenanigans, really.**

* * *

><p>I woke up and looked around, wondering where I was. I was located in a tiny, sparsely furnished room. The curtains on the window let in the morning sunlight, and the clock on the nightstand was showing it to be around seven o'clock in the morning. There was a red-and-white poké ball lying next to the clock.<p>

Poké ball... with a rush, it all came back to me. Route 201. Sandgem Town. Pokémon Center. Right. I remember now.

With a sigh, I rolled out of bed and pulled on my shoes and socks, stuffing the poké ball back into the jacket that I had worn to bed last night. I wished that I had a hairbrush as I pulled my pink hair into a ponytail, then walking out of the room and down the stairs.

In the lobby three trainers were sitting at separate tables, surrounded by their pokémon. Both trainers and pokémon were eating breakfast. I stopped and stared for a moment, realizing that I was the last one to be up.

"Hey, Kitty!" Idunno said loudly, waving to me. I shrank back and wished that I hadn't left my room.

"Hello, midget," I muttered.

"They have pancakes for breakfast!" Idunno burst out. "C'mon, let's eat! And syrup too! It's real good! Almost as good as my Mom's!"

_Ah, so Idunno is an ADHD child. My day, though not yet complete, is on the road to true misery_, I thought gloomily. I took a plate from one of Nurse Joy's aides and sat down at the table that Idunno had claimed. Moodily, I began eating.

Idunno shoveled down his food as though he had just survived a five year famine, and his Piplup was eating almost as fast. The Starly that he must have captured was pecking at its own food, seemingly not all that hungry. I eyed it warily, feeling the scratches from the last day and night twinging in reminder of just what those little birds could do.

Realizing that everyone was feeding their pokémon, I let Chimchar out of its poké ball. The little fire monkey must have been in this situation before, since it wasted no time in gawking and swiped some food off out of the Starly's plate.

"Star!" the Starly exclaimed angrily, lofting into the air. It would have dived down and attacked Chimchar if Idunno hadn't quickly recalled the bird into its poké ball. Chimchar, seeing that the threat of attack had passed, quickly began eating the rest of the Starly's food.

"What's with your Chimchar?" Idunno grumbled.

I watched for a moment, then shrugged. "He likes bird food," I answered at last, since I couldn't come up with anything better.

"Pip!" Piplup burst out, smacking Chimchar with its wings. The fire monkey screeched and fell to the side, but quickly recovered and swiped the last bit of food off of the plate. Piplup chased after him, and the two pokémon started running around the Pokémon Center. The other trainers watched with mild interest, a few of them laughing and cheering the two pokémon on.

"Please take your battling outside," Nurse Joy said crisply, walking over to us with a slight frown on her normally smiling face. There was a crash as a potted plant was knocked over scattering clay shards and dirt all over the nice clean floor. I winced in embarrassment, twisting around in my seat to look at her.

"Right, sorry," I said, recalling Chimchar to its poké ball before any further damage was done.

"Good idea!" Idunno said, recalling his Piplup as well.

"Huh, what?" I asked, blinking. What was Idunno talking about?

"C'mon, let's battle! You and me, with one pokémon each! Let's go!" Idunno grabbed my arm and dragged me out of my seat, then out the sliding glass doors of the Pokémon Center.

"Let go, you ten year old twerp!"

"My Piplup against your Chimchar! Now!"

"Nooo!"

"Come on, Kitty, just a quick match. I won't even make you pay when you lose."

"Never happening, midget. And I wouldn't lose anyway."

"So you're going to battle me? Great! It'll be a one-on-one match."

"Did I _ever_ say yes to this stupid idea of yours, twerp?"

And so the conversation went. When Idunno got a hold of an idea, he gripped it like a terrier does a rat and won't let it go. I tried to persuade him, I really did, but every word I said went in one ear and out the other as quick as lightning. I might as well not have spoken.

Eventually I found myself out in an open area behind the Pokémon Center. The area had been cleared of all vegetation, leaving only dust and dirt. Lines had been marked with white paint to show the "field" of the battle. There were a few areas of scorched ground, a couple of craters, and some fallen trees that had been a little too close to the battlefield to escape unscathed. Idunno was standing at the opposite end of the battlefield, his Piplup standing calmly and determinedly in front of him. I was at the opposite end, holding onto Chimchar's poké ball like grim death. There was a small crowd of interested trainers gathered around, most of them rookies like me and Idunno.

I clicked the button and sent my pokémon out. After that, all was chaos.

Idunno immediately went on the offensive: "Piplup, use Pound!" he cried. His pokémon obeyed and rushed my Chimchar, preparing to pound with its wing.

"Chimchar, dodge and use Leer," I said. I've always been self conscious when there's been attention focused on me. Now I was watching myself as well as the battle, desperately trying not to betray the worry that I felt. I did my best not to let my emotions to show, and wiped my sweating palms on my pants legs. I wanted to win. So badly, and for my own selfish pride (I wasn't oblivious to my own motivations, unlike some people) I wanted to win.

The little fire monkey leaped to the side, but was unable to dodge a Pound attack with the other wing. He lost his balance and fell, but regained his footing quickly. I hoped that Idunno hadn't noticed the wince that had crossed Chimchar's face when it did, however.

"Chimchar, Leer," I reminded. Chimchar obeyed me, Leering nastily at Idunno's Piplup. The penguin pokémon took an involuntary step back as it looked at the fire monkey's face.

"Don't let it get to you, Piplup!" Idunno said. "Use your Bubble attack!"

Bubble? I watched with interest as Piplup blew a stream glowing blue bubbles out of its beak that sped toward Chimchar. Bubbles have never hurt anyone, so I didn't bother ordering Chimchar to dodge out of the way. My mistake.

When the bubbles reached Chimchar they burst, and seemed to do actual _damage_ to the fire monkey. Really? Seriously? My genuine Japanese Pocket Monster was so weak that a bunch of _bubbles_ were hurting it? This wasn't fair! "Chimchar, get out of there!" I barked. My hands had clenched into fists at my sides, responding to my unconscious desire to _do_ something. I forced them to relax. I watched as Chimchar stumbled away from the cloud of bubbles that had surrounded him, falling to his knees and crawling away. Eventually he stopped and simply lay there in the dust.

"Chimchar, get up!" I said. I shifted from foot to foot, fighting the desire to rush onto the field and help him. I am not a sporty person, and in the real world I had never been a fan of a team or a particular sports player. I had rarely cheered another person on. This fierce, desperate, somehow primal _want_ for Chimchar to get up and keep fighting was both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.

Slowly, so slowly, Chimchar raised himself onto his elbows. I stopped breathing. The pokémon shakily got to its feet and stood there, swaying, looking blearily at me and awaiting orders.

"Piplup, use Pound one more time!" Idunno yelled.

"Chimchar, dodge and use Scratch," I ordered. _Don't lose your cool, don't show how desperate you are_.

Chimchar attempted to move out of the way, but he was too slow and got hit on the back of head with Piplup's Pound attack. When he fell, the fire monkey didn't get up again.

"Whoo!" Idunno yelled, punching a fist into the air. Several people cheered. "Yeah! All right! I won I won I won I won I won I – hey, Kitty, do I get prize money?"

"Since I actually have no money at all..." I trailed off, fighting to keep the anger out of my voice. I could beat this kid into a pulp with one hand tied behind my back. "No. You don't."

I recalled Chimchar to his poké ball and began walking back to the Center, carefully keeping my face blank of all emotion. That had been my first battle, and I had lost. "Jeez, kid, don't you know anything?" one of the older trainers asked me, his voice laden with disgust. He looked to be about fifteen or so. "Fire types are _weak_ to water-type attacks."

"Oh, yeah," I said sheepishly. I had been doing so well at concealing my own embarrassment up until that point. Now my cheeks would doubtlessly be flushing red with shame. The older trainer just sighed and shook his head, moving out of the way for me to go to the Pokémon Center.

Nurse Joy, who had been doubtlessly watching the whole thing, didn't say a word as I handed over Chimchar to be healed. I sat in the lobby for the fifteen minute wait, studying the road map of Sinnoh that had I had found the other night.

Eventually, after nearly memorizing that map, I decided to keep it and slipped it into one of the pockets in my cargo pants. But… there was something already there. I blinked at my pants in confusion for a moment, then carefully reached into my pocket to find out what was in it. After nearly having a heart attack when I had put my foot into a shoe that a mouse had decided to make its home in (I still don't know how it had survived the fumes) I've always been careful about where I place my appendages.

My fears were relieved, however, when my questing fingertips encountered smooth paper instead of fur. Gently, I grasped and drew out an bulging envelope. Upon inspection I found that there was writing on the back of the envelope, where an address should have gone: "Dear Kitty. Here is 3000 poké dollars so that you may buy supplies for your pokémon journey – " I didn't bother reading any further, and instead hurriedly ripped open the envelope.

Counting the bills I discovered that the envelope did indeed have three thousand dollars in it. I stared at it for a long moment. Back in the real world I hadn't had an allowance and as such only got money when I asked my parents as prettily as I could. And since I knew better than to ask for money all that often I had never had much.

I sat there and thought of just what I couldn't do with three thousand dollars, but eventually switched over to what I _could_ do simply because it was so much more satisfying.

When I went back to Nurse Joy to collect Chimchar's poké ball I ended up asking her a few questions. Namely, how far it was to Jubilife City. The answer was not pleasing, to say the least.

"A day and a half?"

"Yes, that's what I said. Please don't shout, you're disturbing the pokémon."

I ended up walking over to the Poké Mart to purchase supplies for my trip. Good thing I had money now, huh? The Poké Mart was a large shop with bright lights and clean tile floors and walls. Shelves filled with pokémon products were everywhere. There were dolls for pokémon (of all things) and spray bottles filled with different colored liquids, spray cans that were apparently repels and meant for keeping wild pokémon away, escape ropes to get people and pokémon out of caves, and canned pokémon food, and these hideously expensive little things no longer than a joint in my forefinger called rare candies, and – well, to put it mildly, there was a lot of stuff that I wanted to either buy or steal straight off the shelves. I wasn't a kleptomaniac by nature, but all of my _must have! must have!_ instincts were going crazy.

Eventually, however, I found the stuff meant for the pokémon trainers instead of the actual pokémon. There was a lot of things that I wanted (like a tent and a sleeping bag, for starters) but wasn't sure I would be able to afford on top of all of the stuff that I actually needed. I browsed for a happy quarter hour, eventually settling for everything that I considered to be an absolute necessity. And everything that _was_ an absolute necessity could fit into one backpack (or be tied/hooked/clipped onto it) so there wouldn't be any problems there. It didn't stop everything from being damn heavy, but I felt that I could handle it. Probably.

But still, there was one more thing…

"Do you people have any coffee?" I asked, peering over the amazingly tall counter at the Poké Mart to look at the cashier "Coffee grounds? Coffee grinders? Coffee pots? Preferably the coffee itself, but I'll take anything here."

The cashier looked down at me. "Sorry, kid," he said, totally unsympathetic. "We don't carry any of that."

"Alright, fine," I said, huffing as I dumped what I wanted to buy on the counter. I could feel a headache coming on as I realized that I was probably going to have to go through the day without a single drop of coffee. Caffeine withdrawal has never looked so horrifying as when you stare it in the face.

"That'll be two thousand and five hundred poké dollars," the cashier said after going through all of my stuff with a critical eye.

"WHAT?"

"...Please don't shriek, Miss," the cashier said with a wince. "You're only having to pay this little because of your trainer discount. You _are_ a trainer, right?"

"Course I am," I said indignantly, reluctantly forking over the cash and tucking my remaining money into a pocket. No wounder the Mom-Clone had sent me so much money. Everything here was so frickin' expensive that a single candy bar probably cost twenty dollars. No coffee, and I was going to have to rein in my chocolate cravings… I hate this world.

With a huff of annoyance (and a growing headache because of the lack of coffee) I walked out of the Mart and sat down in the dirt, arranging all of my gear in or on the bright yellow backpack as I saw fit. When that was done I shrugged on the backpack – and nearly staggered because of the unexpected weight. It was heavy. I had been expecting it to be heavy, but not this much.

"Urgh," I groaned, and fell over.

"Are you alright there, Kitty?" someone asked me.

I looked up from my prone position on the ground. Lucas was looking down at me, seemingly mildly concerned. "So. Fucking. Happy," I growled in reply, spitting out a pebble.

Lucas chuckled and held out his hand. I grasped it and was hauled to my feet.

"Kitty, do you know how to catch a pokémon?" he asked me.

"Yes, Lucas, I do. You don't need to show me." The protest was hopeless, since he was already dragging me out of Sandgem Town and onto Route 202. Argh, my stupid life.

"I'll demonstrate how to catch one, so just watch, OK?" he dragged me into the tall grass by the wrist.

"Let go of me, you git! I've had enough Starly ambushes to last a lifetime, thank you very much."

A wild Bidoof appeared out of the tall grass, looking surprised to see Lucas and I. I squeaked in fear and hid behind the Professor's assistant. If the Bidoof went in for the kill then at least I could leave Lucas behind for it to maul and make my escape that way. It seemed a good plan, since almost all of my successful plans involved running away.

"Go, Turtwig!" Lucas said, throwing a poké ball. A Turtwig materialized out of the red light that burst out of the opened ball.

"Use Tackle, Turtwig!" Lucas ordered. The Turtwig rushed the Bidoof head on and tackled it, knocking the Bidoof over and making it slide along the dirt for several yards. That was one strong little green turtle monster thingy. I gulped nervously as I watched the Bidoof shakily get up and swing its head from side to side. It Tackled Turtwig in return, but after realizing that minimal damage was being done it retreated a safe distance.

"All right, I got its HP down!" Lucas said. "Time to throw a poké ball!"

"Oh, great," I deadpanned.

I watched as Lucas pulled a minimized poké ball out of his pocket. It enlarged in his hand, and he threw it at the still somewhat dazed Bidoof. The poké ball hit the Bidoof and pulled the pokémon inside it. For awhile the ball shook on the ground, but then it clicked shut and was still.

"And that's how it's done," Lucas said, recalling his Turtwig and picking up the two poké balls lying on the ground.

"I knew already, Lucas."

"Actually, I should have lowered the target's HP more."

"You should have just left the damn animal alone."

"Yup, the important thing is to lower the target's HP as much as possible."

"I don't give a damn."

"See, a healthy pokémon isn't easy to catch."

"Can you shut up now?"

"Oh, yeah. They also get easier to catch if you make one of your pokémon put them to sleep or such."

"...You honestly think I care about this, don't you?"

"Here, Kitty. I'll give you five poké balls to get you started."

"Whatever. I'll take anything as long as I don't have to pay for it."

"If you have lots of pokémon with you, you'll be able to travel farther."

"Far away from _you_ too, hopefully."

"That way, you'll have a better shot at meeting more pokémon."

"Now why would I want to do that?"

"See your around!"

"I hope not."

With that speech delivered, the young assistant waded off into the tall grass and was lost from sight. I watched him go.

With a sigh, I started out. Once more, the day was a good one for traveling. The sun was warm but not overly warm, and wisps of white clouds drifted lazily across the sky. I could hear wild pokémon in the tall grass that I was trekking through, and went cautiously lest I was attacked. The backpack was heavy and cumbersome, making my shoulders and the back of my neck ache. It was also making me sweat in the worst way. Eventually, I sat down on the ground and took off the backpack, working my shoulders for a few moments and taking off my jacket. I tied the sleeves around my waist, then shrugged the backpack on and kept going.

In reflection, I guess it's an improvement when I say that I managed to go an entire ten minutes without getting attacked by anything. But _only_ ten minutes, you understand.

"Stop that! Stop stop stop! Argh me – OW! Get _away_ you nasty, blasted, cross-eyed, dimwitted, no good, dirty, evil-intentioned bird! That's it, I give up – go, Chimchar!"

"Chim!"

I winced and, while the Starly was momentarily distracted, raised a hand to my face. The Starly's talons had raked down my skin, and opened the scabbed-over wounds from yesterday and the night before. My hand came away from my head bloody, and my face itself was stinging badly. It didn't look as though my hand had been dipped in a bucket of red paint when I looked at it, but there were definitely bloody spots on it.

_I am not going to bleed to death, and getting injured like this isn't going to kill me _– _it'll just hurt like hell and make my life miserable. Have I mentioned that I hate you lately, Jirachi?_

I ordered Chimchar to use his Scratch attack, then pulled out my water bottle and did my best to wash the blood off. Knowing my luck, however, my face was probably just going to end up bleeding again. I guess it's a good thing that I wasn't wearing a white shirt.

"Char?" Chimchar asked.

I looked up from my self-inspection, and saw that Chimchar was standing over the fallen Starly, which was lying on the ground and on the verge of unconsciousness. I stared at it for a moment, but eventually shrugged and threw a poké ball. The Starly was captured easily.

I stuffed the Starly's poké ball and decided to take a short break, giving Chimchar some pokémon food while I used the first aid kit that I had packed. There were no potions for people, but there was disinfectant cream that stung like the devil, and band-aids. The kind of band-aids that had smiling Chansey faces on them, perhaps to promote the healing process or maybe just as an advertisement for the Pokémon Centers. I didn't care much.

I packed away the first aid kit and slung the backpack on, then continued on my way towards Jubilife City.I was still sweating, the backpack was still heavy, but I had one of the Birds Of Uber Evilness™ on my side. Nothing could go wrong, right?

"You're a pokémon trainer! I'm a pokémon trainer! Our eyes meet, so battle we must!"

"Huh? What?"

There was a little kid standing in front of me, wearing a blue baseball cap, blue shorts, and a red T-shirt. He was holding a poke ball in his hand. "Go, Starly!" the kid cried, releasing a Starly from the poke ball. It cheeped and looked me over with those all-too-familiar beady black eyes.

"You want to battle me or something?" I asked.

"Yes!"

"Fine, fine... don't want to disappoint the masses that are out for my blood... Chimchar, use your strongest attack!"

"Char!" Chimchar obliged by spitting out a few white-hot coals at the Starly. I blinked at it once in confusion. _I had meant its Scratch attack_... One of the coals landed on the Starly's wing, causing the stench of burning feathers to pollute the midmorning air. The little bird squawked shrilly from pain, and for a moment I almost pitied it. Almost.

"Starly, use Quick Attack!" the Starly darted forward quickly and slapped Chimchar with its wings, causing the little fire monkey to yelp fall over. He quickly bounced back up to his feet, however.

"Chimchar, use Scratch!"

"Chim!" The move was done and the Starly was left lying unconscious on the ground. The boy recalled him with a sigh and handed eighty poké dollars to me. I took the crumpled paper bills with a satisfied smirk and tucked them into a pocket.

"Your Chimchar's Ember is pretty strong," the kid said, giving the praise grudgingly.

"Eh?"

He rolled his eyes at me. "Its fire attack," he explained.

"Sure. Yeah. Thanks, kid."

"My name is Tristan, not 'Kid'!"

"Sure. Whatever you say, kid."

I walked on for what seemed like a long time. Having finally learned my lesson about wild pokémon, Chimchar stayed out of his poke ball and walked beside me, one small hand clutching at my pants leg. I was actually feeling... proud of the little guy. Sure, he was just an animal, but I felt kinda proud of him for trouncing that kid's pokémon – especially since that pokemon had been one of the hated Starly.

We kept walking, and Chimchar eventually climbed up my body to sit on top of the backpack. The fire monkey didn't weigh much, but the added load was definitely noticeable. I groaned and worked a crick out of my neck, but kept walking.

The sun sailed through the sky, passing its zenith and heading down towards the western horizon. Though there were sandwiches for lunch, I didn't want to stop to dig something out of my backpack. I wanted to reach Jubilife City as soon as possible.

"I spy, with my little eye... A trainer! A battle, please!" I looked over at the girl who had just challenged me, and remembered one of the (many) reasons that I had hated Pokémon Diamond: you could never duck out of the battles with these random people. With a sigh, I felt Chimchar slipping down from its position on top of the backpack and landing lightly on the ground, eager and ready for the fight. I hated the delay.

The girl had two weak Bidoof, which Chimchar smashed through with surprising ease. Sure, he did look a little battered by the end, but not badly. The girl pouted and handed over the prize money. I prepared to continue on.

"Are you going to be walking all night?" the girl asked.

"No," I answered curtly, feeling grouchy. I was really beginning to hate both the human and pokémon race at this point.

"It takes a long time to get through that grass," the girl said, crossing her arms over her chest. "And you won't get out of it before dusk."

"I don't give a damn," I snapped at her, storming into the grass with Chimchar on my shoulder. I swiftly left the girl far behind. It got darker and darker as the sun slipped lower and lower down the horizon, and a little bit colder. The cries of the diurnal wild pokémon faded, to be replaced by those that were nocturnal. My pace slowed as I realized that I was now stuck in a field of tall grass with only the light of the moon and stars to guide me. Also, there were wild pokémon about, and I wouldn't be able to see them... until it was too late, of course.

"We might as well make camp around here, Chimchar," I said. _Before anything finds us_, I added in my head.

"Char," Chimchar said.

"You're certainly the talkative one," I mumbled, sitting down in the grass at the base of a tree, border. The thick tangle of trees and briars made it impossible for me to take any route to Jubilife except the one that led through the tall grass. I shrugged off the backpack with a groan of relief, almost tentatively moving my shoulders as I felt a tremendous ache in them.

I handed Chimchar some of the pokémon food, then ate some of the human food myself – half of one wrapped sandwich, and a few gulps of water from my canteen. I had watched and read way too many survival novels and movies to gorge myself on my supplies. Knowing my luck, then there would almost doubtlessly

I recalled Chimchar to his poké ball and curled up on the ground, and after several hours of wakefulness (my sleeplessness was NOT because I was scared of wild pokémon! How dare you imply such!) I managed to drift into a dreamless sleep.


	8. Lucas The Manipulative Bastard

When I woke up that morning it was the first stage of dawn, when a little grey light is filtering over the eastern horizon. It was just enough to see by, really. With a groan, I sat up. Investing in a sleeping bag back at the Poké Mart had probably been a wise idea, so of course I had ignored it and thought I could manage without one. Now, all my muscles were sore and aching and my clothes were soaked with dew. I felt absolutely filthy.

"Coffee," I murmured longingly, then winced. All of my injuries decided that that moment was a good idea to remind me of their existence. I groaned again and dragged my pack into my lap. It was still godawful heavy. I pulled a wrapped sandwich out from one of the pockets (trainers must live on these things) and began eating, slowly waking up as I did so.

What I wanted right now, more than I wanted anything else in the world, was a cup of steaming hot coffee. Forget the cream and sugar, I want it blacker than a moonless night without stars. In fact, I want several cups of coffee, maybe five or so. That should be enough to sate my caffeine addiction.

And while I was fantasizing about things that I would never receive, let's have Jirachi appear and teleport me back home.

I was about halfway through my sandwich when there was a... sound... coming from behind me. A sound like a poké ball being opened and its occupant released. How the hell did that happen? "Chim?" a familiar voice asked.

The little fire monkey walked over to me and began eying my sandwich hungrily. I knew that gaze, since I myself had perfected it as a younger child. It was the manner of all people trying to say that they wanted something to eat (usually a specific something) and were considering just how they were going to steal it.

I guess that at that point I made one of my (very) few correct decisions: I pulled the sandwich into two pieces and gave one half to Chimchar. The monkey took it graciously, eating with both hands and sitting cross-legged beside me. The sun rose in the sky and the Starly in the area filled with air with birdsong, making me flinch and cower reflexively.

"Chim?" Chimchar asked again, cocking its head to one side and looking at the bulge that the other poké ball made in my pocket. I let my gaze wander down to it, and thought as I chewed slowly without really tasting my food.

"Guess this is a good a time as any," I said at last, pulling out the little red and white sphere. Great, I was talking to myself. The first sign of madness had been achieved, and I haven't even been in this place a week. I clicked the little button on the poké ball, and watched as the red light that issued from it.

The Starly that I had caught yesterday looked around. "Char!" Chimchar said, smiling and waving. The bird's back was to me. Chimchar began, well… I guess it was considered "talking" to the Starly. This involved solely repetitions of its name, with Starly sometimes chiming in and adding its own name to the mix. How any conversation can be carried out solely by repeating your name I have no idea. I mean, how many words are in the English language that two people need to continue a conversation? I began counting in my head.

One: _how_. Two: _the_. Three: _fuck_. Four: _do_. Five: _I_. Six: _get_. Seven: _outta_. No, wait, that's a double word... Nine: _here_. After that, I gave up. I'm not good at counting.

The Starly was looking at me sourly, with an expression on its feathered face suggesting that it hated me deeply but was going to follow me for the time being until it had the opportunity to slit my throat while I slept. I returned the expression, but gave it the bread from my sandwich to eat. When I tried to pat it on the head it pecked my thumb so hard that blood welled instantly. I swore at the bird, and Chimchar gave me a worried glance

"Chimchar?" it asked, looking at my hand.

"It's nothing," I said dismissively, sucking on my wounded finger and giving the Starly the evil eye as I did so. The Starly haughtily ignored me and pecked at the bread.

Chimchar tried to crawl into my lap. Moments later, there was a distressing smell of scorched denim. I winced, then carefully removed him and added new pair of jeans to my mental shopping list. "Thanks, bud, but your butt is on fire and I am _not_ fireproof," I said, setting him down on the ground carefully. The goddamn monkey hugged my arm instead. I pulled out the first aid kit and rubbed some burn salve on my leg, sighing with bliss as the salve cooled the shiny red skin and made it less irritable. I covered the burned patch of skin (it was about the size of my palm) with the biggest band aid I could find, then packed everything back up. Chimchar continued hugging me.

"What is it with you and spontaneous bursts of affection, buddy?" I asked irritably. My hand reached out unbidden and gently rubbed his head as I gave him my best scowl. Realizing just what I was doing, I jerked away from him and stood up. _That will __not_ _happen again_, I thought angrily. _I __hate_ _pokémon_.

"Right, Starly," I said angrily, recalling the Chimchar to his poké ball. "Next battle is yours. I want to see how strong you are." The Starly returned the steely glare that I gave, as though it was saying something like, _just you watch me, bitch_. The bird allowed itself to be returned without comment. I stowed both poké balls in my pockets and finished my sandwich, then hefted my pack and set off.

The sun rose higher in the sky. I was still tired, still hungry despite the sandwich, and in dire need of a hairbrush and some toothpaste. My wounds ached and I mostly wanted to lie down on a soft bed and go to sleep for the rest of the day. But the nearest bed was in Jubilife City, which I would supposedly reach around noon today.

By the time I made it out of the tall grass several hours later I was irritable and in a generally bad mood. In retrospect, it was probably one of the all-time bad ideas to challenge me when I was in this frame of mind. "Let's have a pokémon battle!" some idiot called. "Humph! But I'm gonna win!"

I snarled and nearly lunged at the smug little kid with the intent to claw out his eyes and beat him black and blue. I managed to check myself at the last instant and pulled out a poké ball instead. I felt it maximize in my hand. "So sure, Tris?" I asked mockingly, recalling the name of the little kid that I had beaten from yesterday.

"My name's Logan!" the kid said angrily, pulling out a poke ball as well.

"No," I said slowly, "It's Tris. I saw you yesterday." Same blue cap, red shirt, and blue sneakers. Same brown hair and a single poke ball. It had to be the same person. What the fuck was the kid playing on me?

"Tristan looks nothing like me!" the kid said.

"You two are identical!" So fucking true.

"I hate you!"

"Same here!"

"Go, Shinx!" The boy threw his poké ball, and a small blue kitten with a star on its tail materialized out of it, looking nearly identical to the two kittens that had been up for adoption at the Pokémon Center in Sandgem. My lip curled in a sneer of disdain, but I eyed it warily nonetheless. The incident with Idunno's Piplup and its Bubble attack was still fresh in my mind, and I wasn't going to underestimate any of my pokémon's opponents. For a second I wavered, wanting to test Starly's abilities but also feeling a need for Chimchar's reliability in the face of an unknown danger.

I eventually clicked the button on the poké ball, releasing Starly. The bird looked around for a moment, taking in the two bristling trainers and the snarling Shinx.

"Battle time, Starly," I said. "Use your strongest attack." Cool, calm voice. I didn't need to shout, so therefore I wouldn't. I wasn't going to get all hyper over my fourth battle and hopefully my third victory.

"Star!" Starly called. Amazingly, it obeyed me and darted forward. The bird was so fast that it was a blur of dark feathers, speeding towards the Shinx and seeming to collide with it before darting back. The Shinx reeled, looking dazed.

"Shinx, Tackle attack!" Logan/Tristan said.

"Starly, get into the air and dodge."

Starly leaped up into the air at the last moment, pumping its wings and gaining altitude. For several seconds I believed that we were in the clear, but then the Shinx leaped up and latched onto the bird. The added weight was too much and Starly began falling. The bird landed heavily on its back with the Shinx on top of it.

"Shinx, Tackle again!"

"Get away from that Shinx, Starly."

Before the Shinx could use tackle again Starly flapped its wings in the other pokémon's face, shrieking and startling the kitten. The Shinx jumped from surprise and hissed, giving the Starly just enough time to slip away. The bird was moving awkwardly, seeming to favor one wing, but otherwise seemed okay.

"Use that attack again, Starly!" Since I had no little screen to tell me what the heck I was ordering my fighter to do…

"Star!" Again, the bird complied and darted forward, so fast that there was no time to dodge or retaliate before the attack struck. The Starly wobbled at the last moment, however, losing its balance and nearly falling. It delivered a vicious slap with its wing, however. The Shinx was knocked over, and Starly returned to perch on the ground in front of me. The Shinx shakily got to its feet and stood there, swaying slightly.

"Once more, Starly."

Again, the Starly moved so fast that it was merely a dark blur streaking across the ground. This time, though, there was no fumble and the bird plowed into the kitten. Again, the Shinx was knocked over. It did not get back up again.

The Starly strutted around its fallen opponent, warbling out a victory tune and looking far too pleased with itself. I smirked and walked over to the boy, holding out my hand and saying, "Gimme." The boy glared at me, and then reluctantly handed over eighty poké dollars. I smiled and stuffed the cash into my pocket. Ah, prize money, how do I love thee...

Feeling just as pleased as the Starly was, I recalled the bird to its poké ball and gave an ironic salute to the boy before carrying on. My day, though still horrible, had gotten just a little bit better.

I continued walking. There was only short grass here, with no threat of pokemon attack. The sun was warm and there was a breeze. I could almost pretend that I was on a hiking trip, traveling the trail ahead of my parents and sister. I passed another trainer heading towards Sandgem Town in search of Professor Rowan, but she barely acknowledged the hostile glare that I sent by way of greeting.

Noon came, and noon went. I started to worry that I had somehow strayed off the path. It was sometime in the afternoon (I didn't have a real watch and was judging time by glancing at the sun) when I came upon a sign that read: Route 202 Jubilife City This Way. Next to the lettering was an arrow pointing in the direction I had been walking in. I continued going that way.

Maybe fifteen minutes later the short grass gave way to a gravel path. The gravel became asphalt after a time. A proper road. I walked along it, and saw buildings in the distance. Real buildings, not the tiny backwater town kind of buildings, but real ones that belonged in a city.

"Hey, Kitty, how many pokémon have you caught?"

"AAAAHHH!" I shrieked and whirled around, eventually catching Lucas standing a little ways away from me. He smiled and waved, then walked over to me. I was reminded of a friendly puppy that I ached to kick.

"Huh? I think you should catch some more."

"But I didn't even tell you how many I've – "

"It might be more of a challenge raising a lot of pokemon... But it's worth it. The more pokemon you have, the happier you'll be."

"You mean the more ways I can be chopped, bitten, sliced, and smashed into dozens and dozens of tiny bite-size pieces. My Starly already hates me."

"In Jubilife City, there's the Trainers' School. Check it out, Kitty. Oh, yeah, Idunno went to the Trainers' School earlier."

I tapped my foot impatiently and crossed my arms over my chest. _When is this going to be over?_

"Professor Rowan wants you to have this, Kitty."

A red and black device was shoved under my nose. I took it cautiously and looked at it. "What is it?" I asked.

"A Pokédex."

Seeing my blank expression at this statement, Lucas continued: "It records data on all the pokémon that you catch. Professor Rowan wants data on all the pokémon in Sinnoh."

"So... you want _me_," I pointed at myself to make sure that he, a life form of lesser intelligence than yours truly, understood, "To catch at least one of every species of pokémon in the Sinnoh region so that your professor can go all happy crazy mad scientist on us?" I could actually see in my mind's eye the stern professor jumping onto a table and letting out an insane cackle with special lightning effects in the background. I let the scene roll, adding some ominous theme music, wild hair, and a couple of overflowing test tubes. For effect.

Just then I realized that Lucas had been talking. "Hmm?" I asked, "What did you say?"

"I said, That wasn't the way I would phrase it, but yes, that's the idea," Lucas said.

"That's impossible." I replied. I tried to hand the Pokédex back, but Lucas didn't take the hint and grab it.

"It's also proof of your trainer's license," Lucas continued.

"My what?"

"Your license. You need a license to be a trainer. You can take the test at the Trainers' School in Jubilife to get one, or have a Pokédex given to you by a professor. The choice is up to you."

I looked Lucas over critically. Red beret, with strong and steady-gazing eyes and a mouth adorned with a small, confident smile. He knew he had won. He knew that I wouldn't refuse. He _wasn't_ stupid, unlike a lot of people that I've met recently. I had underestimated him. He knew what he wanted and he was willing to stoop to bribery to get it, which was something that I could respect him for.

"Bastard," I grumbled, hating him even more when Lucas' smile simply grew a little wider in response. I snatched the Pokédex back and carefully opened it, eventually finding the ON button and pressing it. There was a plastic screen and a few buttons.

I released Chimchar, then pointed the Pokédex at the little monkey.

"Chim-char the Chim-p po-ké-mon it agile-ly scal-es she-er cli-ffs to live a-top cra-ggy moun-tains it's fi-re is put out when it sle-eps," came a little electronic voice. I winced as the voice carefully enunciated every syllable, but was unable to find the mute button. Looking at the screen, it also showed that my Chimchar was a Fire-type, male, and about four years old. Experimentally clicking a few buttons, I found that my little fire monkey knew the moves Leer, Scratch, and Ember. No surprise there.

I returned Chimchar and brought out my Starly.

"Star-ly the Star-ling po-ké-mon they flo-ck in gre-at num-bers though sm-all they fl-ap their wing-s with gre-at pow-er." My Starly was about two years old, female, and a Normal/Flying type. She knew the moves Quick Attack, Tackle, and Growl. I returned her and stowed the Pokédex in a pocket on my backpack. Lucas gave me a polite farewell, then headed back in the direction of Sandgem Town.


	9. A Loss And An Invitation

**/dodges thrown brick/ Yeah, I've realized that I haven't updated in what seems like several centuries. Please don't hurt me too badly. Ahem. Anyway, in this chapter Our Heroine will meet some trainers, be evasive about her origins, and lose yet another battle. Sometimes, even **_**I**_** think I'm a bit hard on her.**

The first word that comes to mind when describing Jubilife City is "noisy". There are actual cars in the streets, and bicycles on the sidewalks. People are shouting and bustling about. Tall buildings rear into the air. Neon signs flash. But nothing could deny that this was the pokemon world instead of the real one. There was a... well, the Pokédex called it a Smeargle... painting a sign, and the police officers were mounted on horses whose manes and tails were _on fire_, and I must say that the street performances were simply awesome, pokémon aided or no.

I walked down the sidewalk along the main street, pulling out the map that I had gotten at the Sandgem Pokémon Center and examining it. According to the map, if I walked down Short Street (the longest street in the city, really, to display the place's sense of humor) then I'd find the Pokémon Center on the right side of the street.

"You are lost, yes?" someone asked. Whoever had spoken was behind me and I couldn't see them. He spoke in a funny accent.

"Where's the Pokémon Center?" I asked.

Someone laughed, and then my head was gripped between two hands despite my squeak of protest. My head was tilted up so that I wasn't staring at my map, and turned gently to the side so that I was looking at a building with sliding glass doors and and a red roof. A Pokémon Center.

"Oh..." I said, then quickly began walking toward it as embarrassment colored my cheeks red. "Thank you," I threw over my shoulder as I slipped between the sliding glass doors. But there were over a dozen people on the street, and none of them responded to my call.

Inside, the Pokémon Center looked almost exactly like it did in Sandgem Town. Tiled floor, as well as red and orange striped walls. A smiling Nurse Joy behind the red-surfaced counter, younger than the one in Sandgem Town. Tables where trainers waited for their pokémon to be healed up. But there were several poké ball recharging machines gently humming as they worked, now, and more trainers than there were in Sandgem Town.

I waited in the line leading up to the counter, sandwiched between an older girl with violently red hair and a little boy holding a... a... some type of pokémon in his arms. I was tempted to get my Pokédex out, but then shrugged and tapped the boy on the shoulder instead. "What type of pokémon is that?" I asked.

The boy gave me a nervous, slightly manic smile. He looked exactly like Logan and Tristan from Route 202, which probably meant that he was a different person entirely. The pokémon he held in his arms was bleeding and staining his shirt, and the boy himself looked frightened. "Cindy's a Water-type," he said.

I nearly smacked myself from my own stupidity, then asked, "I meant, what species? And why the heck do you call it Cindy?"

"Oh," the boy said. "She's a Marill. And I nicknamed her Cindy because she's a Cindy kinda girl."

"You... nicknamed it?" I asked, blinking in confusion.

The boy gave me a pained look, but it came across more as him being constipated than in actual pain. "Yes," he said. "Don't you nickname your pokémon?"

"Well, I sometimes call my Chimchar buddy, but that's not – "

I was interrupted by the redhead girl tapping _me_ on the shoulder. "You have a Chimchar?" she asked me. "You're part of Professor Rowan's Pokémon Program?"

"I-I guess so…"

"Lucky girl. My starter was a Turtwig from Rowan's lab. He's a Torterra now, but I can still remember the days when he was a little green turtle that I could pick up and cuddle..." she gave me a half-embarrassed, half proud kind of smile with a whole lot of mushiness thrown in.

_Ye Gods_, I thought, suppressing an upwelling of great internal disgust. _This must be what it's like to be a pokémon trainer who likes their pokémon. It's so... gross_. I stared at the girl in unabashed horror. She looked back at me in confusion, not understanding my look and finally asking me, "Is there something stuck in my teeth?"

"Miss?" one of Nurse Joy's aides asked, snapping me out of that enthralling conversation. The regular Nurse Joy had taken Cindy the Marill into the back for for intensive care, and I was stuck with an aide. Reluctantly I handed over my poké balls, then went to a table to wait.

The redhead girl and the boy with the Marill sat at the same table. The boy didn't say anything and began shredding the paper napkins from the dispenser into little pieces. The redhead propped her feet up on the unoccupied fourth seat and pulled out a dogeared, much abused romance novel from her backpack. She began reading. I drummed my fingers and eventually pulled out a sandwich to eat, but then stowed it away again so that I could share it with my Chimchar and Starly.

"How many Gym Badges have you got?" the redhead asked me after a few minutes of silence. She was wearing patched cargo pants and a battered, stained T-shirt that depicted a menacing Pikachu and the words "Electric Surge" written in funky yellow script meant to look like lightning bolts. She also wore hiking boots and had a sweater tied around her waist.

"None," I said at last.

"I got my Coal Badge from Roark in Oreburgh a week ago," the boy volunteered. "Cindy's Watergun attack just blasted those rock-types away." After that, he began crying. His face turned red and big, fat tears squeezed out from the corners of his eyes. He bowed his head so that the two girls with him couldn't see his face, and wiped at the tears with a tight-clenched fist. It was pretty pathetic, actually. The redhead moved over with a sigh and put her arm around the crying boy's shoulders. "It's always like this when your pokémon get really hurt for the first time," the redhead assured him. "Don't worry. Cindy'll pull through."

I sat there awkwardly, not knowing what to say. People don't usually cry in front of me. They learn not to after I start laughing my head off. Was this some sort of trainer thing? The boy looked like he was barely ten years old.

"Torterra, Rampardos, Machoke, Gyarados, Raichu, and Nidoran!" the aide called, waving a tray of poké balls and a receipt.

"That would be me," the redhead said, jumping up from her seat and waving to get the aide's attention. She waded through the press of trainers (was it always this crowded?) and retrieved her pokémon. By the time she had gotten back another aide was calling, "Chimchar and Starly!" I got up from my seat and fought through the crowd, applying elbows and threats as necessary. When I reached the aide I snatched the scrap of paper and my two poké balls, then went back to the table that the three of us had commandeered.

The boy had stopped crying and had gone back to miserably shredding napkins and sniffing occasionally. The girl was deep in her trashy romance novel, reading with riveted attention and her muddy hiking boots propped up on the table. When I sat down she looked up at me. "Can I see your pokémon?" she asked.

I shrugged and said, "Sure," then pulled out the poké balls and clicked their buttons. Chimchar and Starly materialized onto the tabletop.

"Char?" Chimchar said, looking at me for orders. My Starly just glowered at me, as though she'd been perfectly happy until I'd came along and ruined her day.

"Your Chimchar is pretty friendly," the redhead observed. "It probably takes a really cheerful pokémon to put up with a sourpuss like you."

"HEY!"

"What? It's true," the redhead said mildly with a shrug of her shoulders. "If you made more of an effort to be friends with your pokémon, then your Starly wouldn't try to attack you every time you came near her." At this moment, Starly pecked my arm and drew more blood. I swore at her and tried to staunch the bleeding with my sleeve.

"Call her Boudica," the boy gloomily said at last. "She's as proud as any queen and looks like a great warrior." My Starly, who apparently understood what was being said, fluffed up her feathers and strutted around the table. Proud, indeed.

I blinked once or twice in surprise. Did the pokémon world have a history similar to that of the real world? On Earth Boudica had been a British female warlord rebelling against the oppression of Rome. She sacked several towns and her army killed tens of thousands of people, but was eventually defeated. Sources at this point differ. Either she killed herself to avoid capture, or else fell in battle and died. But still… how had the boy known about the British warrioress? Was my world and this world not so different after all? The thought was both strangely comforting and downright irritating at the same time.

When the boy reached out a tentative hand the Starly allowed the feathers on her head to be gently stroked several times before giving a mild peck to let the kid know that she was done being friendly. I noted with irritation that the tap from her beak didn't even break the skin.

"Oh, so you let him pet you and not me?" I asked in an indignant mutter. The newly named Boudica gave me a haughty, disdainful look. I huffed, and then allowed Chimchar to give me a pity hug. With his strong but skinny arms around my neck and the top of his head against my cheek I realized that his fur smelled like burnt toast.

"'Kay, Buddy, that's enough with the being touchy-feely," I said, gently disentangling him from me. What was with that goddamn monkey and spontaneous hugging?

"You named your Chimchar Buddy?" the redhead asked.

"No, I just call him that," I said. It took me a moment to realize the difference between what I had meant to say and what had come out of my mouth. When the redhead caught my confused/embarrassed look she burst out laughing. I scowled at her. Chimchar – well, Buddy, I guess – grinned at me.

"Since everyone is healed up then I guess I'm going to take a nice, long afternoon nap," I said, standing up and returning my pokémon to their poké balls. I said my goodbyes to the boy and the redhead girl quickly and insincerely, then fought my way to the front of the crowd surrounding Nurse Joy's desk and managed to get a key for a room in the Pokémon Center.

I achieved the escalator and went upstairs, finding my room (it was 16 this time) and entering. Like in Sandgem Town, it was pretty small and quite basic. Bed, nightstand, lamp, clock, window with curtains, and a door leading to a bathroom that was similarly tiny but clean. I took a long shower, bandaged myself up, then collapsed into bed and was asleep within minutes.

When I woke up again the light shining through the window was a ruddy orange, suggesting that sunset was approaching. I rolled over to check the clock and saw that it was half past six. I closed my eyes again and tried to get back to sleep, but it didn't return to me. The bed was soft, my bruises and aches were still paining me, and I was irrevocably and unfortunately awake.

There was no use fighting it. I got up with a sigh, stretched languidly for a few moments, then fingercombed my horribly pink hair into something resembling submission pulled it into a ponytail. From there I went into the bathroom and found that whoever had been here last had left their toothbrush. Or maybe it was new. I sniffed the bristles and smelled nothing. It _looked_ new, anyway. I hesitated a moment, then gave an uncaring shrug and brushed my teeth, as well as giving my face a quick wash. After that, I walked out the door.

"I've been looking for you," someone said.

I jumped and jerked around, my hand automatically delving into my pocket in search of a poké ball. It's an amazing thing, really, that I've managed to change my instincts from 'ding him one and run!' into something that was moderately less violent. At least, less violent until the pokémon was brought out.

It was the boy with the injured Marill. "Hey," I said warily. He grinned at me.

"I just wanted to tell you that Cindy's doing great. Nurse Joy said that she'd be up and about tomorrow morning, though I should take it easy on the battling. How are your pokémon?"

"They're fine," I answered.

"Cool. Hey, I was wondering if I could ask you something..." he trailed off, waiting for my say-so on the subject.

"I can't guarantee an answer," I said in all honesty, "But go ahead and shoot." Much like animals and apparently pokémon, I could tolerate young children reasonably well for short periods of time. Especially when they were polite and well-behaved like this one. He _almost_ didn't deserve to be locked up in a zoo. Almost.

"Why'd you start your training journey so late?"

The question was asked innocently enough, and for a moment I was confused. Then I remembered that most kids were sent out at age ten with a single pokémon, seemingly (to me) as a form of ritual infanticide. In my world, the _real_ world, no sane-minded parent would do such a thing. Or maybe the parents here just hated their kids enough to do that. It _was_ a distinct possibility, after all. I mean, just look at Ash Ketchum, the protagonist of the anime series. How any mother could love a kid who was that thick was beyond me...

"The subject is closed," I said flatly. I would have added more to that sentence, except the kid seemed reasonably intelligent and it's awkward to be mean to someone that you can distinctly remember being nigh-hysterical just a few hours ago.

The kid chose not to pry, and instead shrugged. "Okay," he said. Then he grinned at me again. "I'm glad that your Starly liked the name."

I hummed a noncommittal agreement, not really listening, as I walked down the stairs and into the lobby of the Pokémon Center. There were a few people eating, others using the video phones to contact parents and friends, and a pair of girls were exchanging pokémon using a trading machine. Apparently the poké balls were numbered when they were produced, and their numbers when registered conferred the ownership of the pokémon contained inside them. That was about as far as I understood the system.

"Hey, kid," the redheaded girl said, raising a bottle of sodapop to me in greeting.

"Hi," I replied, letting the word "kid" pass without comment.

"Going somewhere?" she asked me. The redhead wore her assumed superiority as easily as a scientist wore a labcoat, and I found myself grinding my teeth. _I hate her_, I thought, _the bitch_. But then I realized she was acting exactly the way I had acted upon beating Tristan and Logan on my way to Jubilife: cocky and arrogant, just plain knowing she was superior. But without my meanness, my own petty cruelty.

Yes, I am fully aware of my faults. This does not, however, urge me in any way to change into a better person. Despite appearances, I am not quite that amazing.

Anyway, my anger at the older girl faded. "Yeah," I said simply in reply, voice clipped. "Oreburgh. For the Gym Badge." 'Cuz I needed Rock Smash to get through that cave to Eterna City, which the map called Ravaged Path (not an overly cheerful place, apparently).

"I'd suggest that you stop and train a bit first in the area around here. It's close to the Pokémon Center and you can get there easily. Don't want to face Route 203 unprepared." She took another sip of her soda, which was in an old-fashioned glass bottle, then turned back to her romance novel and ignored me totally.

I rolled my eyes, then strolled out the door and down the street, heading toward the Poké Mart. Inside, I purchased packages of dried Pokémon food, as well as a small sleeping bag. Typical of me, to forget to buy food for the creatures I was supposed to be caring for.

"Kitty! I found you!" someone exclaimed from behind me. I recognized that voice and bravely resisted the urge to hide behind a display stand for plush Togepi dolls. A few seconds later, someone barreled into my back and sent me crashing onto the tiled floor.

"Mmrf," Idunno said from on top of me. "Sorry about that. The floor was slicker than I'd thought." All I could manage by way of reply was an agonized groan. Idunno got up and waited impatiently as I groaned and slowly struggled to my feet, hopping from foot to foot like he was on a sugar high. Kid, it wasn't _you_ who'd just had your chin slam into a hard floor and had the wind knocked out of you by a rambunctious ten-year-old who may or may not be on stimulant drugs. Gimme a break here.

"How many pokémon do you have? h he asked.

"Two," I managed to get in before he started talking again.

"I've got two too! Did you get tougher? Please, tell me you got tougher. That last battle was _lame_. Lame, lame, lame. Me? Do you even need to ask? Of _course_ I got tougher! C'mon, I'll show you. Rematch time!" He pointed dramatically at the ceiling of the Poké Mart for the total duration of a quarter second, and before I knew it I had been hauled down the streets and to the beginning of Route 203 for a battle.

Like all of the routes I'd seen before me, we were on a road of sand and gravel. It looked pretty well-maintained, a bit rutted but not overgrown. Idunno looked at me, sizing me up, maybe wondering how I had improved.

"Let's get this over with," I muttered, bringing out Boudica's poké ball and feeling it enlarge in my hand. I clicked the button and watched the red beam of light appear and materialize into the female Starly. Boudia looked around, beady black eyes taking in me and Idunno, lingering for a few moments on the poké ball in the boy's hand.

Yeah, my Starly knew what was going on. If Boudica hadn't been so proud, then I wouldn't have brought her out for fear of her deliberately losing simply to spite me. But my Starly _was_ proud, and competitive, and absolutely hated losing to anybody or anything. She was going to try her hardest. Not for me, certainly, but for herself.

Idunno sent out his own Starly, and the fight was on.

Now, I know that last sentence sounded ten kinds of dramatic, but the following battle didn't live up to it. After receiving a Quick Attack that nearly knocked it out of the sky, Idunno's Starly stuck to keeping a distance and using Growl as often as possible. Boudica was a little bit bigger, but the male Starly managed to dodge nearly every attack _by staying close_. He would hover just below, beside, under, or over Boudica and be able to see very clearly how she was going to move and when. It was ingenious, really. Boudica was getting frustrated, and her strident warcries had stopped coming. She had settled down to business and was getting angrier by the minute. I was too.

From across the makeshift battlefield, I could see Idunno smirking at me.

"Oi, Boudica!" Notice that I _didn't_ call her a worthless featherbrain? Such self-control. "Get away from that Starly fast, then turn around and use Quick Attack!" Boudica obeyed me, shooting away from Idunno's Starly before it could think and then turning around swiftly and using her Quick Attack. That was _much_ more painful than the wing-slaps I had received on Verity Lakefront and Routes 201 and 202. But still, it was weak, since Idunno's Starly had used so many Growl attacks on her.

That was how the battle went from then on. Boudica would get some distance between herself and Idunno's Starly, then turn back and use Quick Attack on the other bird. Slowly, Idunno's Starly became slower as the fight progressed. But the bird still managed to get a few whacks in, and Boudica was looking tired, hurt, and downright _annoyed_. When Idunno's Starly fell to the ground, unconscious, my warrioress let loose a victory trill and did figure-eights in the sky. I was tempted to do my own victory jig on the ground. I'd won! Well, not quite, but Idunno was halfway beaten.

Next, Idunno let out his Piplup. To make the understatement of the century, the battle didn't go so well. Boudica was already hurt from fighting the Starly, and her attacks were still weakened from Growl. Basically, Piplup just used Pound on her until she fainted. My Starly couldn't even stay in the air to avoid getting hurt, because then the _damn_ little penguin would use Bubble to get at her when she was twenty feet into the sky.

Eventually, my battered, bruised, bleeding Starly was lying at my feet, making weird _meep_ noises every few seconds with her wings twitching feebly. The sight was downright pathetic, and Idunno was laughing at me. I returned her with a sigh and sent out Buddy. Yes, I'd formally nicknamed him.

"Buddy, use Ember!" I yelled, pointing my finger at the Piplup in an impersonation of Ash Ketchum. Buddy gave me an odd look but did as I asked, with the attack doing very little damage.

I wanted to slap myself in the forehead. _Fire type and Water type. How could I forget?_ Yeah. Idunno snickered at my stupidity, then ordered his penguin to use Bubble on my Chimchar. Since this was most definitely not going to be a replay of my last battle with the blasted kid, I yelled at Buddy to get out of there. He did, and the battle – already bad – went downhill from there.

Piplup used its Bubble attack whenever possible, with Buddy being forced to stay back. All I could do was order my Chimchar to use Leer over and over again. Finally, though, I got frustrated and figured that my Chimchar had lowered the penguin's attack so much that a single Scratch attack could finish it off. Recklessly, I ordered Buddy to use its Scratch attack on Piplup.

To give credit where it's due, my little Chimchar is one brave little fighter. He gave me a long, slow look that suggested it was putting a _very_ large amount of trust in me by doing this, and then turned and ran _through_ the maze of faintly glowing, pale blue Bubbles. I was amazed. And, strangely, touched. In the real world, no-one had ever been willing to fight for me before.

When he got through the maze of Bubble, my fire monkey raised both hands and used its Scratch attack. Maybe the attack was a critical hit, maybe it was made powerful from all of the Leers I had had ordered Buddy to use, but either way Piplup was knocked over.

This time, I couldn't restrain myself from cheering.

When the Piplup tried to get up, my Chimchar used its Scratch attack again on the back of the penguin's bulbous head. Now using a non-fire attack, Buddy was doing much more damage. Idunno was looking _very_ worried, and now _I_ was the one smirking at _him_.

But then the Piplup somehow managed to roll over and face my Chimchar. Buddy, already damaged from his near-suicide run through the other Bubble attack, couldn't dodge in time the next stream of Bubbles that issued forth from the Piplup's beak. He took the attack directly in the face.

It was an instant KO.

I returned Buddy, my fingers gripping the poké ball so tightly that my knuckles stood out white. Then I handed over the prize money grimly, scowling into the face of Idunno's smug grin. The kid didn't saunter back into the city, because Idunno was way too hyper to ever be able to saunter, but there was a definite hint of a swagger in his step when he ran back into the concrete maze at full speed. I followed him, a defeated trainer who was _very_ pissed off, and went back to the Pokémon Center.

Nurse Joy was back on duty, her aides working in the back now, and she took in my expression and the two defeated pokémon without comment. The little red-and-white balls were put into a machine, and I slumped down at an empty table. Moodily, I realized why that older, redheaded girl carried that book around with her. When you were waiting for your pokémon to heal up, the fifteen-minute wait could take a _long_ time.

"Hey," the redhead said, somehow appearing at my elbow and taking one of the chairs. "Did you take my advice?"

I shook my head.

"And I guess you lost a battle, didn't you?"

I nodded. The redhead reached over and patted me on the shoulder. "Word of advice: losing is part of being a trainer. Everyone does it occasionally. Channel that anger and bitterness into creating a new plan. My name's Lucy, by the way."

"Mine's Kitty," I replied dully.

"Cool. Want to go out?"

The look I gave her made Lucy burst out laughing. She patted my shoulder again, trying to get her mirth under control while she tried to assure me that she hadn't meant her words _that_ way. Apparently she and the kid with the Marill, Kevin, had found a nice little restaurant that was cheap and allowed pokémon to eat with their trainers, though battling was forbidden. And, apparently, I was invited.

How nice.


	10. The Memory Of The Deer

I was sitting in a booth, sharing a plate of pasta with Buddy and watching as Boudica deliberately snubbed me by going over to flirt with Kevin's Hoothoot (whose name was Malcolm, apparently. Feel free to laugh. I certainly did) over a bowl of pokémon food. Lucy's pokémon were – for the most part – too large to fit inside the restaurant, and so had to stay in their poké balls. Buddy was gradually forgiving me for the incident with Idunno's Piplup, sitting on the table and helping himself to my food. He was swiping everything off my plate, basically. I was too crushed by our defeat to protest.

The restaurant was fairly large, and brimming with trainers and pokémon. The noise level was pretty high as well, since if you combine large numbers of kids and teens with animals then you will, inevitably, get a lot of talking and shouting. The plates, cups, and silverware were plastic, and the tables were bolted in place. Wherever pokémon were, you also inevitably got messes and things breaking, so there was no point in using expensive stuff. The food wasn't fancy, but it was warm and edible and I wasn't paying for any of it.

Lucy was talking about her adventures all over Sinnoh, and how she was planning to challenge the League after visiting her dad in Oreburgh. The journey there was meant to be a pilgrimage of sorts, I guess, since she was also visiting every place she had traveled to on her journey and remembering herself and her pokémon growing stronger and evolving. The closest thing you ever got in this place to a spiritual journey, apparently. Kevin was hanging onto her every word and I was listening, mostly because there was nothing better to do.

I had been defeated! Twice! By a stupid ADHD kid, no less! My pride was badly stung and my spirits were low. All I wanted to do was curl up under the covers of my bed back home in the real world and console myself with a good horror movie. _Dawn of the Dead_, maybe. Some nice zombie flick.

To be both nice and honest (which is a bit strange for me, but still) the restaurant was very nice. Everyone seemed fairly friendly, with customers coming over to our table to compare Gym Badges and swap stories. At first, Lucy and Kevin did most of the telling and I just listened. I was consoled several times over my loss when Kevin explained my bad attitude to anyone interested, earning a few groans of empathetic dismay. I actually began to feel _better_ after awhile, telling the story of my defeat with lots of gesturing and a bit of exaggeration, acting as a comedian. In certain roles, I have no pride whatsoever.

I earned a sharp peck from Boudica for imitating the weird _meep_ noises that she made, but the laughter of the trainers around me was worth it. Eventually, she and Malcolm the Hoothoot flew up to a ceiling beam above our heads and did birdy courtship things. Comparing wingspans and feather softness, or something. For the evening, I felt... popular... and accepted. It was a strange new feeling, and I found myself enjoying it.

When Buddy moved to sit on my shoulders, wrapping his arms around my forehead for support, I knew I was totally forgiven for the lost battle. When the ice cream and cookie course came around (remember, the restaurant was aimed at trainers, and quite a lot of them are only ten years old) I could feel a steady rain of crumbs falling into my hair. But, hey, hair could be washed.

After awhile the plate was cleared, mostly by Buddy, and the waitress came to take it away. She was a bubbly young woman that was followed closely by a shy little pokémon that looked very much like a fawn, except for the yellow flower on its head. It had large brown eyes, delicate limbs, and a friendly expression on its face. Several children, the younger siblings of the trainers here, were petting and cooing over it. Lucy and Kevin were going crazy over the little thing, since it had been brought to Sinnoh all the way from somewhere called Unova and was virtually unheard of here. They called it a Deerling, which is _such_ a creative name that I had to snort into my cup of chocolate milk with disdain.

I took one look at the pokémon and hated it immediately.

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><p><em>(Flashback sequence)<br>_

_It was a cold January morning, the sun rising over the top of the forested mountains and painting the land in a ruddy red glow. Kitty shivered underneath the layers of jackets she had been covered with, gripping the gun uncertainly. She was lying on her stomach in the deer hide, holding a gun. It was tiny, a .22, one that looked positively tiny next to the much bigger rifle that her grandfather had._

_ The old man was sitting in a folding chair, looking around at the woods. He was the one who had taught her how to shoot, and now insisted on bringing her hunting. Kitty loved her grandfather and had agreed._

_ The old man tapped her shoulder and pointed. Following his gloved finger, Kitty looked and saw a deer moving through the forest. It moved slowly, delicately, differently from the horses that Kitty was used to seeing, a being of woodland grace. The girl watched it intently, forgetting the gun entirely. It was actually coming closer to the deer hide, much to the girl's delight._

_ Her grandfather tapped her shoulder again and pointed at the gun. Kitty shook her head silently, not wanting to speak aloud and frighten the deer. Her grandfather gave her a stern look, one that read along the lines of "Don't tell me I took you all the way out here and am currently freezing my ass off just so you can refuse to shoot the damn deer." Kitty understood the look and laid her cheek against the cold length of the gun, using the telescopic sight and focusing on the deer's chest. Straight to the heart, the girl thought, so it won't feel any pain._

_ The girl squeezed the trigger and the deer moved, and then suddenly the animal had fallen and was bleeding over the snow, making a sound strangely akin to a scream as it thrashed and bled. The girl and her grandfather scrambled down from the hide, and the old man took out a bowie knife while the girl took the animal's head in her hands. Its struggles were already slowing as death overtook it._

_ The girl looked into the animal's eyes and saw a strange light, and might have likened it to a particular emotion if she had been able to. But animals are different from humans, and all Kitty could see in the deer's eyes was the light of its life fading steadily as the moments passed. "I'm sorry," she whispered, beginning to cry. The light in the deer's eyes flickered once, maybe in acknowledgement, and Kitty could feel the soft hair under the bare skin of her hands. Then the light died and the deer was nothing but a corpse, and Kitty couldn't shake the feeling that she had just committed murder._

_ That night, when her grandmother informed her that they were having venison for supper, Kitty refused to eat. When pressed, she threw up and after two mouthfuls._

_(End Flashback.)  
><em>

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><p>Damn the world. I put forty poké dollars on the table, muttered an excuse, then returned both of my pokémon to their balls. Boudica was going to be royally pissed when I next let her out for interrupting her flirting session, but I didn't care. Kevin asked me if something was wrong and I ignored him, feeling the eyes of the Deerling on me as I went about my business. The little pokémon came up and gently butted its head against my hip, and I would have kicked it in the chest if there hadn't been so many people watching. As it was, I pushed it – rather violently – away from me and growled at the waitress to keep her beast under control. After that I left the restaurant and hurried back the Pokémon Center, going up to my room and locking the door behind me.<p>

That night, my dreams were bad.


	11. The Weakest Pokemon EVER Belongs To Me

**Sooo... uh, it's been awhile. A ****_long_**** while. I really am sorry for having left this story alone for so long /hangs head in shame/ but... well, I could come up with a whole list of excuses, most of them things that Kitty would come up with that would be beither pretty flimsy or else utter lies, and... yeah, I know I done wrong. Sorry.**

**_ANYWAY_****, on a happier note, I have matured some as a writer and am pleased to say that I have finally learned to thoroughly proof read (you might have noticed that I didn't have this skill, browsing the earlier chapters) so there shouldn't be too many errors in this chapter. If you see any, please tell me, and I'll fix it as soon as I am able.**

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><p>The next day dawned with a pink and orange sunrise shining in through the window, bathing the world in a lovely, charitable glow that managed to gloss over the many, many errors of the world. Well, most of them anyway. The sexual graffiti on the wall next to the Pokémon Center made my eye twitch in annoyance. More than anything, I wanted to go over with a can of spray paint and correct the anatomy.<p>

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and sat up slowly, yawning. Buddy and Boudica had escaped their poké balls during the night. My Starly was perched on the lampshade, eyes closed and head tucked under one wing, and Buddy had elected to sleep on the pillow beside my head. It was a sweet gesture, really, except for the fact that he might have committed accidental arson during his sleep and I would have had to deal with the consequences.

I combed my hair away from my face and looked down with distaste at my pants and jacket and shirt, which were lying discarded on the bedroom floor. Normally I didn't mind wearing my clothes for several days, but I had put these through hell and was pretty sure that they stank. I mean, really... I'd crawled through mud, perspired heavily, bled, and been burned while wearing these clothes. The only thing I had going for me was that I hadn't been stupid enough to wear white. And one of the things I had also forgotten to buy was deodorant...

Unfortunately, these were the only clothes I had. With a sigh, I put them on again and went through my bag, carefully laying everything out on the rug and looking it over from my own sitting position on the floor. I had food for humans (and pokémon, since they seemed to eat just about anything) a full canteen, a first aid kit with iodine, waxed thread, a suturing needle, gauze, band-aids, and burn cream (this kit was the deluxe size that the Poké Mart had carried) my Pokédex, the map of Sinnoh, the potion that the dude on Route 201 had given me, an undersized sleeping bag whose canvas exterior was the color of three-day-old puke... and that was about it. Collectively, it was a godawful weight to lug around on my back that my muscles enjoyed reminding me of. And I needed _more_ stuff.

"Char?" Buddy asked me, waking up and moving to hug me. I hugged him back absentmindedly. He still smelled like burnt toast. "Do you think I should get a journal, Buddy? Or at least something to write things down in?" I asked him. It would be something to write my shopping lists and notes-to-self down on.

"Chim, chim," Buddy said in reply, which could mean anything from _that's a great idea!_ to _your bra is showing, Kitty_. I hastily adjusted the strap so it was hidden under my shirt again.

"Alright," I said, mostly to myself, "So I need to wash these clothes and get another change of them to wear. And underwear. And instant coffee. Sounds good to you?" Chimchar nodded at me. I nodded back and wondered for a moment whether I had gone completely stark, raving bonkers. Dear God, I was talking to a monkey whose ass was on fire! ...Which was a completely normal occurrence in this world.

I quickly packed up my stuff again and went downstairs, followed by Buddy and Boudica. The female Starly was giving me the silent treatment as "punishment" for interrupting her flirting session with Kevin's Hoothoot. Personally, I regarded it as a gift. Ahh, blessed silence...

The main lobby of the Pokémon Center was still crowded, and the air was loud with talk. Nurse Joy and her aides were busy serving breakfast and trying to heal up injured pokémon at the same time. They all looked tired and a bit snappish, which firmly convinced me that I was never going to take up nursing when I got back to the real world and was trying to pick what to major in for college. No sir.

"Hey, Kitty! Over here!" Kevin waved me over to where he and Lucy were sitting. I got a plate of syrup-drenched waffles as well as a glass of orange juice, then walked over to them and sat down at the empty seat they had somehow saved for me. Sometimes, it was nice to have friends.

"So, got a plan for today?" Lucy asked me. She had a new romance novel, one of those bodice-rippers that showed pictures of scantily-clad women and drool-worthy men who have mysteriously misplaced their shirts on the front covers. This, too, was a dogeared and much-abused paperback.

"Train, I guess. Do some shopping," I answered, digging into my food. Buddy snagged a waffle off my plate and ate, not minding that he was dripping syrup all over himself. I had no idea that my Chimchar had such a sweet tooth. I watched him for a few moments, wondering how much of a pain sticky fur would be for him. He was gonna be diabetic before the year was out. Boudica went over to perch with Malcolm and twitter about bird things. Both of them were shooting me death glares after awhile, probably discussing my extremely rude actions of the other night. Ahh, well, they could stuff it. I didn't care.

"Mm-hmm," Lucy said, using one hand to hold her book up and the other to eat. I finished my meal. Buddy was now lamenting the fact that he had gotten all of his fur sticky, so—feeling far too similar to the mother of a precocious toddler—I had to take him to the bathroom and wipe him down with damp paper towels until he became un-sticky. Darn Fire-type couldn't stand to put so much as a single toe under the faucet. Argh, my life.

When I got back, Lucy was gone and Kevin was finishing his meal. He waved to me and recalled his pokémon into their poké balls, clipping the balls onto the little hooks at his belt. I needed to get me a belt like that. Would probably come in useful for freeing up my pockets. Yes indeedy.

"Hey, Kitty," Kevin said.

"Hey what?" I growled, grabbing my plate and cup and flatware and taking them over to the kitchen area of the Pokémon Center. Volunteers were busy washing the dirty breakfast dishes, talking and chattering amongst themselves. Someone had turned the radio on, and the singer was whining out an angsty love song about how she couldn't stand the taste of champagne.

I made my exit as quickly as possible. No point in hanging around if someone might draft me into being up to my elbows in suds without pay. Don't get me wrong, I believe in drudgery—someone had to wash the dishes, after all. I just didn't believe in drudgery when it applied to _me_.

"Um, I was wondering if you wanted to come to the Trainers' School with me," Kevin said.

"No thanks," I growled.

Kevin visibly wilted. I glowered at him until he slunk away, sending reproachful looks over his shoulder that I completely ignored.

When I was sure that the coast was clear and that there was no Kevin, Idunno, or Lucy around, I got out my map from the Pokémon Center in Sandgem. The street-map of Jubilife City was ridiculously tiny and difficult to read. I actually wished that I had brought a magnifying glass with me. Eventually, however, I just gave up and shoved my way through the crowd to the front of the nurse's desk, ignoring the insults and growled curses that I got for jabbing elbows into ribs in order to make space for myself. I knelt down and swiped a couple of brochures from the rack next to the counter, hoping that they contained a map showing more detail of the city that I had unfortunately found myself in. From there, I fought my way back through the crowd to the table I had recently vacated, giving in to my deep-rooted desire for some breathing space before I looked at my findings.

As it turned out, one of the brochures was also a map made specifically for trainers—there were details about "Points of Interest" (the Trainers' School, the Pokétch Company, the Global Trade Station, and the Jubilife TV Station) as well as what pokémon could be found in the surrounding area around Jubilife City. I had scored, apparently. I tucked the map of Jubilife into an inside pocket of my jacket, next to the one of Sinnoh region, going by the principal of "if they left it lying around unattended then it's free, and if it's not free then who's to know it's been stolen if they can't see it?" which is a pretty good principal if I do say so myself. Of course, I made it up myself, which explains its awesomeness.

What had really attracted my attention on the map was that there was a _lake_ nearby.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have seen large bodies of water before. I went to the beach once, in fact, a long time ago before my parents had realized how sick and twisted I was and stopped indulging me. But still. It would be nice to play around at a lake for awhile. I could take some time off from my busy schedule as a pokémon trainer, right? Right. Yeah, I was going to go to that lake. And there would be no bad memories of suitcases or Starly attacks attached to that place, so I was _set_. I was _ready_.

Damn the world and all its inhabitants, but I was going to have some FUN today. Even if it killed me. Which, in this world, it very well might. (And who honestly cares about stuff like that?) But with my destination fixed firmly in mind, I stepped out of the Pokémon Center and onto the busy streets of Jubilife City.

And managed to get myself lost in under ten seconds. Are there world records for these sorts of things?

"Why me? Why me?" I muttered, pushing my way through the morning going-to-work crowd with all of my usual philanthropy (which was none). "It just had to be me." I grumbled and snarled under my breath to myself as I fought my way to a streetcorner where a sign was. I glanced up at it, then leaned against the brick wall of a nearby condominium and took out my newly-acquired map. I looked at the map. Then I turned it rightside up and looked at it. I glanced at the key to assure myself of what I was looking at. Experimentally, I turned the map sideways. Just for a comparison, of course. It wasn't like I was hopelessly confused or anything.

And after that, I gave up and put the map away. I knew when I was beat. With a sigh, I trudged up to a person with green hair (what is it with these people and their technicolor hair?) and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, person," I said, slouching in place and shoving my hands in my pockets. I was in no mood to be polite.

"Hiya," he replied to me with a lopsided grin. Alarm bells started to go off. I had just been blatantly rude to this guy, and he still smiled at me. _Someone_ must be on drugs then, and I knew for certain that it wasn't me. Unless Nurse Joy spiked the orange juice she served with something, of course. She seemed like a nice lady, but then you never really knew.

"Where'd you come from?" the guy asked me. It's supposed to be _me_ doing the questioning here, kid! Not you! I gritted my teeth and ground them together before practically spitting out my reply like a mouthful of acid: "The Pokémon Center."

"It's a nice place," the guy said. "Quiet and all."

"Ahh, that explains it. You're being nice to me because The Game is making you. That's how it is," I grumbled, folding my arms across my chest and cocking my hips to one side, so that I could rest my weight entirely on one leg. It was an old habit of mine.

"Jubilife City is a big place, so it be a bit of a shock to you," the guy said pleasantly. When I glanced up, his eyes were glazed over and rather glassy. I snapped my fingers under his nose, and didn't get so much as a blink in response. Damn stupid people...

"Actually, it isn't. I went to New York City to spend the summer with my aunt there. It's not so bad. Jubilife is actually pretty small, to be honest," I said conversationally, feeling rather tired of it all. Someday, I was going to screw up the courage to say something really, really lewd and disgusting and rude when someone I was speaking to was locked in the grip of The Game. Maybe I could snap them out of it or something.

Or maybe I might just have the police sicced on me with a charge of public indecency. Yeah...

"Where's New York?" the person asked, and with a start I realized that he had finally become something close to a normal human being again.

"It's a faraway place," I muttered. "Hey, can you show me how to get to the lake on Route 218?" I asked, pulling out my map again and inviting him to point out the way there for me.

"You mean the lake that _is_ Route 218?" the guy asked.

"What, you mean that there's a pontoon bridge across it or something as a road?"

The guy started laughing. My eye twitched in response. I was not amused.

"No, no, you're getting it wrong," the guy said. "The lake _is_ the road. Trainers who want to get to Canalave City follow the route by using either water or flying pokémon, or else hiring a boat to take them across."

"That's insane. Absolutely insane," I said flatly.

"Well, that's the way it's done. Hydrophobic, are you?"

"Not on your pathetic excuse for a life, bozo!" I snarled.

The guy took a step back. "Hey," he said. "No need to get angry. What have I done to you?"

"Besides annoying me?" I deadpanned, my temper finally snapping.

The guy rolled his eyes at me. "Sheesh, trainers these days..." he muttered something rather unflattering about my genealogy under his breath, and then wove away through the crowd. He was soon lost from my sight, and I resolved not to ask for directions a second time. It would probably just end up being a waste, anyway.

It took me two more hours of wandering to discover the entrance to Route 218, which was actually just a twenty-minute walk from the Pokémon Center. Sometimes, I wanted to kill the world. Actually, no, scratch that. _Often_, I wanted to kill the world. Yeah, that's better.

There was a small waystation between the start of the Route and Jubilife City. It was nothing but a small room with a muddy, threadbare carpet, plain walls, and some dead conifer plants in pots in corners. A cop was talking to someone dressed like a fisherman.

"Route 218 is a great fishing hole that's almost unknown to people," the cop said.

"Yes indeed it is," the fisherman agreed. "I go just about every week, and let me tell you that I always, always catch the biggest and juiciest Finneon. Better than what they have in the market, yes sir—Oi! You there!"

I gave a guilty start, realizing that I'd been noticed as I lingered near the door. "Er... What?"

"An Old Rod is a good thing! You think so, am I right?"

"Uh... sure, I guess so. Why are you asking me—"

"Yes! Good answer! We can be friends!"

"Wait! I take it back then! Old rods are terrible and—"

"Here you go. That's my old rod! You should fish whenever there is a body of water."

A length of wood with string tied to it was shoved into my unwilling hands. I looked at it, feeling distinctively underwhelmed by it. The hook looked like it had been made from a bent paperclip.

"You're kidding me," I said, but of course the guy wasn't listening to me anymore. With a sigh, I clipped the Old Rod to my backpack and trudged through the narrow, grungy hallway of the waystation and out the other side, to Route 218.

Outside was better. Much better. Birds were singing, so I eyed the skies suspiciously and kept close to the edge of the trees that lined the Route. I also brought out Chimchar, as a security measure. The little fire monkey bounded ahead, to the pier at the edge of the land. The pier was made of old, splintery wood that had been bleached grey by the sun. It ran out to a small island, and then went a little ways before stopping at a dead end.

I guess you could say that there really wasn't much to see. But hey, at least there weren't any annoying people around here. Or pokémon, which was a double bonus. I sank down onto the wood of the pier, looking down into the water. It was amazing clear, and I could see quite far down. Goldfish the size of Labradors, with tiny crowns on their heads, swam through the deeps.

Freaky.

Chimchar seemed uneasy about venturing onto the pier, disliking to be surrounded by so much water, and stuck close to me the entire time. Eventually, I let out Starly as well. The bird flew up high, and then alighted on the small island to hunt for grass seeds or worms or something to eat. I didn't really care. Though more food did seem to be an attractive option, now that I thought about it. I pulled some wrapped sandwiches out of a pocket on my pack and gave half to Chimchar, and ate half for myself. Boudica, realizing that it would be much easier to simply use the human as a food provider rather than actually hunt for herself, came over and began pecking at the crusts that I had disgustedly peeled off.

"Hey, knock it off," I grumbled, moving away from the Starly as her venturing beak wandered too close to my hand for comfort. I was still slightly phobic when it came to bird pokémon, even if one of the evil little monsters belonged to me. I swept the crumbs off the edge of the pier and into the water, earning a peck from Starly for my troubles. Immediately, the oversized goldfish rose to the surface to find out whether or not the crumbs I had tossed into the water were edible.

Why did I never have any cyanide when I needed it?

Ah, well, there was always an alternate option. And I'd had a craving for fish as of late. I pulled out my newly-acquired, sad little parody of a fishing pole and tore off a hunk of my sandwich, jamming it onto the hook and letting that fall into the water. There was already a crowd of the goldfish greedily gobbling down the breadcrumbs and looking for more—I got a bite almost immediately, much to my satisfaction.

I pulled up, groaned, and then got up from my sitting position on the pier and put the rod to my shoulder, physically hauling with all of my strength—those goldfish might be big and stupid, but they're also _heavy_. Not good. Argh, not good.

Eventually, though, I managed to get the fish onto the wood of the pier. It flopped around, gasping and in general looking more pathetic than a kicked puppy. Oh, the disgust, how I do feel you.

"What are you going to do with that?" someone asked. I looked around and saw the fisherman who had given me that crappy rod standing at the end of the pier, looking at me and the goldfish with mild interest.

"Eat it," I answered.

"Do you have a license?"

"I've got a trainer's license..." I said.

"I meant a fishing license."

"Why would I need a fishing license?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest. "It's just one... fish thing. Who cares about one fish caught without a license?"

"That policeman cares," the fisherman pointed out. I scowled at him, then turned and looked towards the door of the waystation. The policeman was leaning against the wall and looking at me with much more interest than the fisherman had initially displayed. He was also idly toying with a pair of handcuffs and looking deliberately nonchalant.

Grumbling, I pulled out an empty poké ball. "Do I need a fishing license to _capture_ a goldfish?" I asked wearily. Once, just once, I'd like to have something go right in my life.

The fisherman looked at me like I had suddenly become mentally retarded. "It's called a Magikarp, miss," he said. "And you just need a trainer's license. You can catch anything you want, just don't kill it or eat it or whatever."

"Fine, fine..." I grumbled and threw the poké ball. The magikarp vanished into it with a beam of red light. The poké ball twitched and shuddered on the wood of the pier, but then... broke open. The magikarp reappeared on the pier, to commence once more with its pathetic flopping and gasping. Muttering invectives under my breath, I picked up the poké ball that I had thrown. It was lying open, and the two halves of the little ball wouldn't go back to being shut, even if I forced them together.

"It's broken," the fisherman drawled, looking decidedly unimpressed with me. "You only get one try to capture a pokémon with a poké ball—once it's been forced open by the pokémon trying to escape, you don't have a second shot. I'd suggest that you weaken it a bit by battling."

Suddenly I remembered Lucas's advice to me about capturing pokémon. I felt like slapping myself in the face. Sighing, I ordered Boudica to use her Quick Attack. She did so, and the pokémon was quickly rendered unconscious. I tossed a second poké ball. This time, the magikarp was caught easily.

Something beeped at me from the depths of my backpack, which I had set down beside me on the pier. Fishing around on it, I discovered that the light on my Pokédex was blipping at me. I flipped it open and was immediately assailed by that awful electronic voice:

"Ma-gi-karp the fish po-ké-mon it is sa-id to be the worl-d's wea-kest po-ké-mon no-one know-s wh-y it has man-ag-ed to sur-vive."

I quickly shut the Pokédex, before the little machine tried to tell me any more interesting facts about my latest find. But really? Really?

"Are you telling me that I have just managed to catch _the world's weakest pokémon?_" I demanded, feeling entirely cheated. Scammed. Conned. This all had to be some sort of sick, perverted joke... oh, wait, it was. Jirachi's.

Behind me, the fisherman started laughing.

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><p><strong>And that was the latest installation of Kitty's (mis)adventures. She'll be in Jubilife City awhile yet, using her unique talents of ticking people off and having karma slap her in the face for it. But what do you think of her and her story so far? As you probably know if you've discovered the story awhile ago, it's been left alone for quite a long time. Is the humor in sync with that of the earlier chapters? I tried to keep it the same, but I'm not too sure of my success...<strong>

**Please review. It makes writers happy.**


	12. The Technicalities of Technical Machines

**Whoo! Another chapter! After a long hiatus, I am happy to say that I'm getting back into the spirit of the story.**

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><p>I trudged back to the Pokémon Center, giving the evil eye to anyone who so much as glanced at me. To describe my mood as "foul" would be making the greatest understatement in history. Snarling and muttering, I pushed my way through the sliding glass doors and made my way up to the counter. It was midmorning by now, and most of the other trainers had dispersed—there was no gym leader to challenge here, but there were plenty of other important locations, and some of the trainers just wanted to go sightseeing before moving on. Apparently Jubilife City was the last stop for civilization, with several days of travel on the road to either Oreburg, Eterna, or Canalave City from here. Call it a nexus point, if you will. I didn't care much. All I cared about was that there was a relative amount of breathing space in the Pokémon Center. For once.<p>

"How can I get rid of a pokémon?" I demanded, peering over the counter at the Joy. She looked at me blankly for a moment, probably confused by the idea of a trainer actually _not wanting a pokémon_—what had been the TV show's motto? Something along the lines of "Gotta Catch 'Em All"? Yeah, that was it.

"I beg your pardon?" she asked me.

My eye twitched. "I. Want. To. Get. Rid. Of a. Pokémon," I said. In a more normal voice, I continued: "How can I do that? Is there a market for these things, or should I just release it back into the wild?"

Nurse Joy finally seemed to catch on. Though she didn't look entirely pleased with my decision, she seemed willing to help. "Well, there _is_ a market for pokémon, and the prices for some of them are quite high... but the price depends on the species, usually, or else its power. What kind of pokémon are you trying to get rid of?"

I took a deep breath. "Magikarp."

Nurse Joy turned her back on me briefly so that I couldn't see her smile. When she turned back to resume our conversation, her lips kept trying to curl upwards at the corners. I glared sullenly at her for several moments, feeling hot and sulky and childish but also utterly unable to do anything else.

"I'm afraid that Magikarp is a relatively useless pokémon," Nurse Joy said. "Its evolved form, Gyarados, is quite powerful, but to train a magikarp until it evolves is quite difficult, and very few trainers have both the patience and the ability to do so. They're also very common, and so the price would be _very_ low if there was one at all."

"What, you mean that not even restaurants want these things?" I asked, feeling heartbroken. Or at least walletbroken. My shopping trips for all of my necessary equipment, as well as losing half of my money to Idunno after he had beaten me in our battle, had left me with very little jingle left in my pockets. I needed money.

"Magikarp aren't very useful as food, even," the Joy continued gently. "There isn't much meat on them at all, so they aren't valuable except as survival food when there is nothing else to eat."

"I guess I better just release it then," I grumbled, pulling Magikarp's poké ball out of my pocket and turning to walk back out of the Pokémon Center.

"Oh no, I wouldn't advise that," Nurse Joy said. "My suggestion would be to store the magikarp until it would be possible for you to train it—Gyarados are not the most common of pokémon, and their battling ability as well as their rarity makes them much sought after."

I hesitated at the door, greed and impatience warring within me. Finally, however, greed won. I have never been a saint, and my love of money has often been a driving factor in most of my endeavors. "Will it cost me anything to keep the magikarp?" I asked.

"Oh no," Nurse Joy said cheerfully, pleased with my decision to keep the pokémon. "The Pokémon Storage System is entirely free."

"I meant, like... food and stuff..."

"The pokémon is stored in its poké ball, dear," the Nurse pointed out in a deliberately-not-condescending-at-all tone of voice that made my eye twitch again.I knew that when she called me 'dear' she _really_ thought I was an idiot. Unfortunately for my ego, I agreed with her.

Nurse Joy patiently explained the PC that had been set up in the corner. I booted it up and placed magikarp's poké ball in the small cup that was attached to it, then created an account within the Pokémon Storage System and slowly fumbled around on my account's homepage until I figured out how to send magikarp off to... wherever it was going to go. The poké ball disappeared in a flash of white light, and I checked the cup attached to the machine to be sure that it wasn't all just an illusion. It didn't really bother me, however. If the magikarp was never returned and the Storage System turned out to be nothing more than a giant scam created in order to steal peoples' pokémon... well, then I could just catch another one.

I still had a lot to learn about this place, though. Once I was finished with the PC I switched it off, then consulted my map and decided to go the Trainers' School. I have lived all my life with the very firm policy that knowledge was your best friend, and well... look, the phrase "know thy enemy" did come to my mind on the walk there, and the saying is damn true. You have to know the rules in order to better break them.

The first urge I had, however, as soon as I walked in the front door, was to spin on my heel and walk right back out again. There were a bunch of little kids, ten year olds for the most part, running around the place and looking at picture books. Well, actually, they weren't picture books, per se. Just informational books suited to a ten year old's reading ability, and interet.

"You've gotta be kidding me," I muttered. But still, this was something that needed to be done. I grabbed books off of shelves and plopped myself down at an undersized desk/table arrangement where my knees were hitting the bottom of the table and someone had scribbled on the tabletop with magic marker. Grimly, like a soldier making a last stand against overwhelming odds, I opened a book and began reading.

Two hours later, I felt as though I had learned something. Pokémon are smart enough to carry around medicinal berries and can use them on themselves, can count up to twenty, and are divided into many, many types that all have weaknesses and strengths against other types. Example: Fire is weak to Water, but is strong against Grass, while Water is weak to Grass but strong against Fire, and Grass is strong against Water but weak against Fire. Confusing, no? There are also such things as evolutions, and, and... yeah, a lot of stuff. My brain felt overloaded. I needed to go and take a nap.

I was just heading out the door, feeling mentally drained, as a little girl grabbed my wrist and tugged gently. She was wearing a pale blue schoolgirl skirt, sensible black shoes, white stockings, and a blue white blouse. Her brown hair had been pulled back with a headband. "Excuse me, trainer," she said.

I hid a yawn behind my hand. "Whaddaya want?" I asked.

"I just became friends with my pokémon. I'm not sure if we can do this properly, but can we battle?" she peered up at me with pleading blue eyes.

"Yanno," I said, "You're the first person who's actually asked me rather than just demanding that I fight you. Sure, what the hell. I'm game." I pulled out Boudica's poké ball and felt it maximize in my hand. "Where should we have this battle?"

"There's a special area of the School reserved for battles. My friend is there waiting for me. Is it okay if you battle him too?" the girl asked.

"Yeah, sure, that's fine," I answered, letting myself be led like a puppy on a string to a medium-sized room. A boy was there as well, looking like a geeky, old-fashioned schoolkid. He was sitting on the sidelines, however. The girl and I retired to opposite sides of the "playing field".

"I need to try the things I learned before I forget them!" the girl told me cheerfully, looking positively ecstatic that I had agreed to pound her into the dust—er, battle her, I meant. She was a nice kid and all, but I certainly wasn't intending to _lose_.

"Go, Abra!" the girl said, throwing her poké ball Ash Ketchum style. A yellow-and-brown thing, looking vaguely saurian but also seeming to be covered in some sort of armor, appeared on the floor of the arena. I stared at it for a moment, then brought out my Pokédex. All the machine did was tell me the pokémon's name, however, which wasn't all that useful seeing as I already knew it.

I simply clicked my poké ball's button to bring out Boudica. Nothing really needed to be said. "Are you ready to begin?" I asked the girl.

"Yes, I am," the girl replied politely. "You may have the first move." I was starting to like her. Not _much_, mind you. But a little. I might feel a little twinge of guilt if she burst into tears once I had beaten her. Maybe.

"Boudica, use Quick Attack," I said, clasping my hands behind my back and locking my legs into place. I wasn't one for posing and posturing or pointing during battles. It was better to give nothing away to the opponent, right? Right.

Boudica obeyed. The girl looked visibly startled when she saw just how quick a Quick Attack was (it's called that for a _reason_, honey) and didn't order her pokémon to dodge in time. It took the hit and slid backwards across the floor, already looking fairly beat-up.

I think my Starly is getting stronger.

"Abra, use Hidden Power!" the girl ordered.

"Abra," Abra whispered, slowly forcing itself into a sitting position and appearing to cup empty air between its palms.

"Be prepared to dodge, Boudica," I said curtly. I had learned my lesson from the Bubble attack that Idunno had played on me: anything I didn't know about was probably dangerous and would probably hurt my pokémon. I didn't care about them, but I _did_ care about my pride. Losing wasn't an option. I hated being humiliated.

Green light slowly gathered between the Abra's paws. It was as bright as a sliver of the heart of a star. I squinted my eyes and watched as, suddenly, the Abra unleashed its move. The green light flew through the air like a flung javelin. Boudica tried to get out of the way, but Hidden Power clipped one wing and caused her flight to go out of control, sending her crashing against the wall. She slid to the floor and for a moment I thought that she was defeated.

But not so.

The Starly hopped back to her feet, perhaps not with her usual spunk but still strongly enough to indicate that she was ready and willing to continue the fight. There was a steely glint in her eye, though, suggesting that things had just gotten _personal_.

"Tackle," I said. Abra was KOed within the next five seconds. Life was sweet.

"I like to study a lot," the girl said, handing over the prize money that I greedily stuffed into my pocket. "I thought I could win..."

"Yeah, well, both people who start a battle think that they're going to win," I pointed out. "But there's only one winner in the end." Hey, wow, that sounded all deep and philosophical and stuff. Go me.

"Do you think we could have done better if we had used Potions?" the girl asked.

I shrugged in reply. Maybe, maybe not.

"Doing it is the best way to learn!" the schoolboy declared, walking up to me. "Can we get a battle with you?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure, sure," I said. Boudica had been hurt in the battle with the boy, so I decided to send out Buddy instead. The little monkey looked positively euphoric at the chance to pound something else into a bloody pulp. And hey, this was the guy who had forgiven me after two losses against Idunno. I was willing to indulge him. A little bit.

"Go, my pokémon, go!" the boy said, and threw a poké ball. Another Abra was released. I stared at it for a moment, then chose not to question the proceedings and simply shrugged. "Buddy, use Ember," I instructed simply, sticking my hands in my jacket pockets.

Ember was used. Abra was not defeated.

Hidden Power was used. My Chimchar was not defeated.

Ember was used again. Abra was _still_ not defeated.

Hidden Power. Buddy was starting to look a little tired out...

Ember attack used for the third time, which really _does_ do the charm. Abra was defeated. I recalled Buddy and gleefully accepted my prize money, doing my best not to snatch it out of the glum-looking boy's hand.

"Whew, you're really good!" the boy said.

"Yeah, I am," I replied. Modesty? What modesty? I'm sorry, sir, but I don't happen to have any modesty on my person at the moment. Maybe you could try the humility shop?

"We've been studying every day, but we were no match at all!" _Now_ I was getting suspicious rather than just flattered. Glassy eyes, check, vaguely happy expression, check... ah, yes, The Game. It had found another victim.

"You'd be able to use this Technical Machine properly. Here you go!" A round, flat disc about two inches thick was shoved into my hands. The word "TM10" had been stamped onto its surface. There was also a button. Yay me.

"A Technical Machine, or TM for short, contains a pokémon move."

"Look, kid, I really don't need this..."

"Using a TM, you can instantly teach its move to a pokémon."

"Just take it back already, okay?"

"But remember—a TM is good for one use only. Don't waste it!"

"I don't even want it in the first place! Get that through your thick skull!"

But the kid wouldn't take his stupid fucking TM back. Grumbling to myself once again, I stuck it in a pocket of my backpack and headed back to the Pokémon Center, which was right across the street from the School. There, I had Joy heal up both Boudica and Buddy for me, which took awhile since it was getting to be lunchtime and all of the trainers had drifted back to the Center with the promise of food. I ate as well, riceballs and sushi and plain water. Not bad, but I wasn't really into Asian food. Cheeseburgers, on the other hand... a cheeseburger wouldn't survive five minutes in my presence.

After lunch, I walked out of the Center and down the street, my hands in my pockets and idly humming an old Beatles song under my breath. I didn't see the guy in the suit until it was too late and there was no escape to be had.

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><p><strong>Dun dun dun <strong>**_dun!_**** Cliffhanger ahoy! Gee, I feel silly. Like, Kitty in an unusually good mood and on a sugar rush. Well, uh, what do you think of the chapter? Any good?**


	13. Be Afraid of Desperate Clowns

**Yes, yes, I know this chapter was a short one. But it wasn't like it was a scene I could avoid or anything, and I didn't see a reason to mash it in with another chapter. So... your short chapter. Y'all have probably figured out by now that I'm on an updating spree, so probably expect the next chapter within a couple of days. School's a bitch, so I can't guarantee anything faster than that.**

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><p>Just as I was walking down the street, someone barged into me. It was a large, fat man wearing a shiny purple suit, with thinning brown hair and a badly-trimmed goatee. "Oh oh?" he asked me "You call yourself a pokémon trainer? And yet you have no—"<p>

"I DON'T WANT YOUR STUPID TECHNICAL MACHINE!"

The man blinked at me several times, and then reached up a hand to wipe at his face. "I was not going to offer you a technical machine, young miss," he said. He had this disgusting British accent, and by _disgusting_ I meant _very obviously fake_. I would have thought of it as pathetic if it wasn't so annoying.

"_Do_ you call yourself a pokémon trainer, however?" the man asked. Now that I had had more than a few seconds of blind rage to look at him, the guy was starting to look worse and worse. His suit was old and had a split seam under one arm, and I could see the sweat shining on his pudgy face. A paid street salesman, then, or else some other type of high archdemon from the very pits of Hell.

"No," I said. "I call myself Kitty Wallace." Withering sarcasm, salesman, be feelin' it.

"But you _are_ a pokémon trainer, no?" the man seemed to be pleading at this point.

"In a very, very loose sense of word... yes. Sort of."

"I can see you have no pokétch, however. What is a trainer to do without her own pokétch? She cannot know the time, or calculate sums, or write notes to herself without the pokétch—that is, Pokémon Watch, or Pokétch for short. It is indispensable! You must have one!"

"I can use a clock, a calculator, and a notepad and pen. Leave me alone."

"Oh my, you are a rare case indeed!" the man continued, completely oblivious to the strange and amazing fact that I _wasn't interested_. Sheesh, this guy was harder to put down than a troop of Girl Scouts at the end of the cookie selling season.

"You see," the man continued as I sought an opening in the throng of people to move around (and therefore away from) him. "I invented, and now manufacture, pokétches. Not only that, I'm conducting the Pokétch promotional campaign."

"Which I am not a part of," I growled, seeing my opening and lunging for it. The pokétch man effortlessly blocked me. I ground my teeth and began contemplating physical violence.

"All you have to do is find three clowns in Jubilife City. If you can find them... I will gift you with a pokétch!" He beamed at me, shiny white teeth locked in a grimace of manic cheerfulness and seeming to radiate rainbows and sparkly pink butterflies.

Gag.

My interest was sparked, however. "It's free?" I asked, with all of my usual wariness and suspicion of those who are paid to advertise products on the streets. Desperate men will do desperate deeds... though the thing with the clowns is a new one, I'll admit.

"Yes, completely free," the man said.

"I don't have to pay _any_ money? At all?" I demanded.

"Not a cent," the man replied.

"There's no 'small, insignificant fee' that I'll need to pay in order to obtain this... this pokétch of yours?"

"Nope."

"Well... dammit, you're on. I'll find your clowns." If nothing else, I could get the pokétch and hawk it off to some dumb kid at the Pokémon Center for a couple of books. Kevin, maybe. Lucy probably wouldn't fall for it.

I wandered off, searching for jolly men with big red noses and stupid hats.

Unlike my experience with Route 218, the clowns were easy to find—and there were no magikarp, either. The first one I found was small and fat and was juggling brightly colored balls on a streetcorner. His outfit was primarily yellow, and his face had been painted entirely white with a big red grin on it. Classic clown. Possibly dangerous. Do not feed.

"Um... hey, mister..." I cautiously tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hi! I'm a Pokétch campaign clown! Let's roll out my question!" the clown screamed at me, looking maniacally cheerful. There was a crazed gleam in his eyes—I think the guy had been breathing facepaint fumes for a little too long.

"Wh-What question?" I demanded, taking an involuntary step backwards.

"My campaign question! Answer it right and you get a coupon! Does a pokémon grow by defeating others and gaining Exp. Points?"

"Um... er... um um um... yes?" I asked.

"Ding ding!" the clown screamed. "You are absolutely correct! Pokémon grow stronger by defeating other pokémon in battle. Some pokémon even grow into an entirely different form in a process known as evolution. Here you go! Your Pokétch Coupon!"

I snatched it out of his hand and ran away. Two terrifying, nightmare-fueling experiences later, I had all three coupons. Warily, I returned to the pokétch-selling man. He was exactly where I had left him, unfortunately.

"OK, let me count your Coupons! Let me use my pokétch here..."

"Are you really so retarded that you need to use a _machine_ for counting to _three_?"

"One, two, three! Bravo, I say, bravo!"

"Just get to the point already."

"In return for these Coupons, I present you this Pokémon Watch, or Pokétch for short!" The man, quick despite his considerably girth, pulled something pink out of his pocket and fastened it around my wrist with a flourish. I looked down.

The device looked, for the most part, like a normal wristwatch. Sure, the screen had a digital clock rather than an analog one, and was maybe a little bigger than normal, but that was all. Oh, and it was pink. I hate pink. I really, really, honest to God _hate_ pink.

"You can add apps to your Pokétch to make it even more versatile!" the man said. "Touch the Pokétch screen and _do_ try it out." He beamed at me once more, making my eye twitch again, and then waddled away down the street. I watched him go, unable to suppress a little sigh of relief.

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><p><strong>Clowns... aren't my favorite thing in the world. I'm just deeply suspicious of them and prefer not to come into close contact with any sort of man who makes a living by comedy. It's bound to turn him into a manic depressive. Is there some sort of specific word for "fear of clowns"? I must know this.<strong>


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